Lyla wrote:

The advantage you have over (probably all of) us is that you're going into this knowing the risk....so if your partner decides she doesn't want to give up being with women, at least you won't have the world-turned-upside-down shock factor. Have you two thought about seeing a couples counselor? I think it might really help you to establish healthy boundaries as you both navigate this next phase of your relationship. Open relationships are really challenging. You may also want to check out the nonmonogamy sub on Reddit where you'll find more people experienced with nontraditional relationship models. Best wishes.

Thanks Lyla, she is currently seeing a counselor and I am looking for one that may be more sensitive to our situation. Our area in the world isn't really receptive to our situation. We have talked about doing some sort of couples counseling as well. I am very thankful for her honestly and openness, and our ability to address this so early in our relationship. Thank you for your thoughtful discussion.

The one thing you know for certain is that this woman is not straight.  If you can't be comfortable building a life with a person who is not straight, then you probably need to move on.

My pain of discovering that my ex-spouse is a lesbian after 15 years of marriage, three kids and lots of personal sacrifice was horrific.  Given what I went through, I would push you hard to exit this relationship, but you gotta do what you gotta do.  Just remember that you're only six months into this relationship, and you sound like a patient, caring and empathetic dude who would be a hell of a catch.

Good luck.
 

longwayhome wrote:

What do you want, listen to that gut feeling, that’s your instinct trying to warn you to pay attention. This is a huge decision you are embarking on.

I never knew about TGT,

 
LWH, THIS resonates with me so much and is very good advice

I also did not know TGT and my gut and my instinct was sending me signals which i ignored…a lot.  Why? Because i was afraid that my gut was right.

SFL,  knowing what you know, you have an advantage over some of us that were blindsided.  If happiness can happen for you knowing all the possibilities that can arise, then only you know what you can handle.  I believe marriage is hard without orientation differences, this makes it way more difficult.

Would I have known TGT, it would have been a definate NO for me- friends possibly- maybe best friends 27 years ago. Today- devastation.

You seem like a really genuine person, and you have intense feelings for this woman. These feelings may be clouding your judgement in respect to your own future. You have asserted that this woman is the one for you, yet she intimates that you “may be the one” for her.  If she felt as you obviously do, would she even consider engaging in relationships outside of the one you seem to value? Would you consider having heterosexual relationships with other women to balance the relationship? It is a sad state of affairs when someone like yourself is committed to making a relationship work by sacrificing that which you probably value most, your integrity. Are you prepared to spend your life anxiously looking at your watch, listening for the car on the driveway and the key in the door? Hoping that she doesn’t find an emotional connection with another woman that would surely lead to her discarding you. Love is blind. It can blind us to that which seems so obvious to others. We can no longer make rational decisions when in a limerent state. I will ask you this:

Do you want to go out and explore your heterosexual nature with other people while maintaining your love and respect for your girlfriend?

If we had known six months into our relationships what we all too sadly realise now, I don’t think we could sanction a mixed orientation relationship when it seems that your one is overwhelmingly one sided. A lot of the time it seems that they choose us because we are so understanding, loving and true. Ultimately, this is just not enough in the face of their true nature. Perhaps it is better to realise that your role should be to help her recognise herself and her true identity rather than it happens at a later date when it would be more destructive to you both.

4909 days…

I'm not sure why you think the way back to our true selves needs to be travelled alone, Longway.  

My personal experience is not that at all and one of most valuable things was a friend who remembered me from when we were young adults.  

Ordinary guy - the trouble is how can you have a successful love relationship if you are not all in?  

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