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1 of 1- Mybestfriendisbi
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Open Marriage success?
We have been married six years and my husband came out as bi last year. We love each other very much. He is attracted to doing sexual things with men but does not want deep love relationships - which would of course hurt me. We were open for about 7 months and I had brought the idea up to him to experience men, but he felt like I should try it too . I was open to it as well. Well, we ended up closing off the open marriage on my end because I can’t do friends with benefits and it was too much emotional connection with the men I was seeing
Yes for those completely against open marriages, I understand. But this is where we found ourselves and we went through counseling and a lot of reading and talking.
Here we are a year later and we decided he can still see men on the side, friends with benefits . But with him being bi, he also wants to see females. This makes me feel strange and like I would be craving more attention from him. When we were fully open, he was seeing men and women, but I was still not completely okay with the women part.
I’m confused if our marriage will work. He keeps saying he wants to be with me but he also says he wants to do kinky things with women that I won’t do ( and with men). It makes me feel not good enough.
Has anyone had success in this type of situation? I love my husband, but I am worried I will be on this rollercoaster of feeling like I’m not getting the attention I deserve if he is seeing men AND women. I know this may come off that I am unsupportive of him, but I am struggling.
Thanks all
- TangledOil
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Re: Open Marriage success?
The success rate of open marriages is pretty low especially if it’s open under duress. The most successful open marriages are between two people who are living that lifestyle and are both comfortable with it before they marry one another… so they are going into the marriage knowing what they’re getting from the get-go. It’s exceedingly difficult to change the dynamics that severely of an already established relationship. It sounds like your husband isn’t being sensitive to you in any of this. This isn’t what you signed up for when you married him. You need to figure out what your boundaries are (possibly with the help of a therapist) and communicate that to him. It sounds like you may be OK with him being with men, but not with women. That’s up to you to decide and communicate to your husband. No matter the route you take it likely won't be easy. We'll be here to support you.
Tangled
Last edited by TangledOil (July 23, 2021 1:12 pm)