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- inkundermyskin
- Member
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Re: Wife Checked Out
mm92-
im not the best at giving sound advice. been 15 months for me, and i still struggle. there are a lot of good people on here, that can give reassuring words. I've posted while sad, angry, bitter, and hurt. I'm still not in a happy place, but at least this place helps to not feel so fucking alone. someone posted somewhere that this isn't like normal infidelity. this goes much deeper. this isn't comparing apples to apples. yes pain is pain. cheating is cheating. but all of us here have suffered in a way that others will never truly understand.
all i can say, is keep coming here. for support, understanding, validation, or just to sound off on what your feeling in that moment. i for one, have kept this as private as i can in the real world. i come here to get it off my chest.
good luck brother.
it is, what it is.
- mm92
- New member
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Re: Wife Checked Out
inkundermyskin wrote:
mm92-
someone posted somewhere that this isn't like normal infidelity. this goes much deeper. this isn't comparing apples to apples. yes pain is pain. cheating is cheating. but all of us here have suffered in a way that others will never truly understand.
The isolation is something that I still can't quite wrap my head around. In common infidelity there is at least the possibility that your partner cheated because they were not strong enough to end things ethically or made an error in a moment of weakness, confusion or doubt.
With this, the sense is that what you thought was a sacred space was in reality a product of your partner's self (or outright) deception- a movie set, that in hindsight, was always hollow, contrived, and insincere.
- •
Thread Starter- Ordinary guy
- Member
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Re: Wife Checked Out
The essential differences in our experiences compared to heterosexual infidelity is in the way it strikes at our very sense of a stable self. You can always make allowances for the non gay cheating spouse by examining your own behaviour with a view to solving any issues and continuing the relationship. We on the other hand, can do nothing to repair the damage to our inner selves when the very fact that we are essentially the wrong sex means that there is no hope of continuing the relationship to any advantage. There was absolutely nothing that we could have done to prevent this situation from happening once the deception was in place from the outset. The IED (intentional emotional device) from our partners was laid from the outset in many cases, to detonate the relationship at a future point. The way we feel afterwards reflects the deep hurt that the faith and love we had in another person was based on the premise that the focus of our feelings deserved this gift. I suppose it is similar to any natural parasitic relationship where the host gets nothing but loss and the parasite gets everything they need. We can only hope that in the future we can find the inner strength to enter a natural symbiotic relationship where both parties equally enjoy the benefits of love, trust, faith and support to be found in someone of genuine integrity.
4885 days...
Last edited by Ordinary guy (July 12, 2021 7:44 am)
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.