I just wrote on here the other day. Things haven't been going well with my husband. I know he's gay, I feel like he's in love with his boss, but deep down I've still pushed it aside, and told myself that we could still be together.

I decided to be the bigger person, so I tried to apologize to my husband...and I wrote his boss a nice message thanking him for everything he does for my husband. My husband was still acting cold, and like he doesn't want to be with me, so I looked in his messages and found that him and his boss are talking about me behind my back. They were actually laughing and making fun of me for messaging him. His boss has been trying to get my husband to leave us (we have 4 boys). His boss says he's straight, and so does my husband, but they're constantly flirting with eachother, and my husband sticks up for his boss like I've never seen him do for anyone. I honestly know he's in love with him.

I thought my husband would feel bad that I found those messages in his phone since I felt betrayed and humiliated...but he continued to give me the silent treatment and pretend like I dont exist. I told him the only way we could move forward was for him to remove his boss from his life and find a different job (his boss has been causing problems in our marriage for the past 4 years my husband has worked with him). My husband blew up...he told me everything is my fault and I make him miserable because I'm so controlling. He kept sticking up for his boss and saying he didn't do anything wrong and I need to stop being so obsessed with him. He went on and on about how horrible I am, and that I'm not a good Christian wife to him. He said I pushed him to feel this way about me. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm a stay at home mom, and all I do is live my life for him and my kids. All I've ever asked was for him to stop lying and hiding things from me, and to have boundaries with his boss if he wad going to work for him...and I don't think thats controlling.

I've never seen so much evil or hate in someone's eyes as I did in his last night. It was the worst feeling ever. He doesn't love me at all. He doesn't care about me at all. It's really hard to 100% accept he doesn't love me, he loves him. He will never admit that to me though.

I ended up apologizing and telling him he didn't anything wrong and this is all my fault. I told him I shouldn't be so controlling and he should be able to be around who ever he wants, and do whatever he wants. I told him I would try my hardest to change, and not ruin our marriage anymore. I felt sick to my stomach saying these things, but its exactly what he wanted to hear and he accepted my apology.

He doesn't know, but I'm going to have to be so strong for a couple years, and put on his act of the perfect couple/family when we're out or around people until my kids are a little older and in school and I can get a job. I know I can't be with him anymore. I can't live my life being treated this way. I'm praying I can save up some money, and get some debts taken care of so I can make an escape plan. I just know I can't do this anymore.