Rob, 
I have good days and I have sad-hurt and angry ones. This week has been a very angry one. I fume before I go to bed. I am just so shocked. I find myself putting together all the pieces and clear signs I never acknowledged but should have and it all fits. I tried and tried to make a life with him and he obviously didn't want it. I'm humiliated because he never wanted me sexually and it's just hard to reconcile any of this! When he first left, I thought I would tell his lover's straight wife out of kindness but I haven't done that. She is completely oblivious to her husband being Gay and lusting after my husband.  I also realize that I was kept around to cook, do laundry and be his beard. 

How could anyone do this to their spouse? It's not the choice. I am pro LBGT. It's the lies and secrets and stringing us along to imagine we were married to them.  I am making my way forward but very slowly and I am exhausted at night thinking about all of it. Thanks for the reply. 

Rob wrote:

Judy,

You sound like you're on your way..to peace and solace from these liars.

Your punch line about the lover being married does not surprise me..my lezexs girlfriend was married..may be divorced now...with kids. They are all home wreckers. How they can believe anything they say to each other is beyond me..

After 7 months I am more furious than sad. It is consuming and growing. There is NO integrity in any of this. How do these terrible newly revealed Gay people get away with this? Does anyone honor the commitments they make anymore? How do the people that lie, deny and distort not to mention keep deadly secrets like this just move out, dust themselves off of commitments and have a Gay old life - literally. How do you lie to the people who took care of you when you were sick? Don't you owe them any respect for standing by you? How are they able to throw away the commitment they made to you and just skate away WIPING THE slate clean for them and leaving all of us to die in the wreckage THEY CAUSED. There should be some consequences for the secrets and lies. Lying isn't something coveted or rewarded in life and yet these awful people got completely away with it. While I am not seeking revenge, I want appropriate consequences. He duped me for 46 years and then washed his hands of any responsibility getting away with it. He even dumped his 3 little dogs. Sickening. Selfish - liar - and scumbag extraordinaire. NO INTEGRITY. NO COMMITMENT. He got away witht his. I'm in business with him and only communicate with him via email. I'm sickened to see him and keep him away from me and the dogs he can no longer be bothered with. Just wait until the divorce. Unless Karma gets him first. Sorry for the rant. I'm sick of pitying or offering compassion to these terrible people who do this. It's not their choices or being Gay. It's involving all of us and hurting us so badly. It's inconceivable they wouldn't have more compassion and decency for those that have loved them and stood by them. DO remember TGT didn't just crop up suddenly either. 

After I threw him out I paid his car ins, healthcare, gave him more than half our possessions and set him up in another place because I could no longer stomach being married to a Gay man that was so abusive to me. I told him when the payments came due after that, it was all on him. Nobody has been more decent to him EVEN AFTER his Gay lover called me to expose TGT. I am fair and have honor and this man does nothing but take advantage of me.  This has stopped. He never even said thank you. I'm just so pissed. The more I read here the more I realize this is far too common and it's leaving a boat load of sad and angry not to mention devastated people. I've spent my life helping others straighten out horrible matters that come up in life and here I am - the biggest victim of all. 

Last edited by Judy (October 17, 2016 8:53 pm)

So sorry judy.

My GIDX is probably telling all kinds of bad things about me.  Not much I can do about it.  The kids have been spared so far but I suppose if she's in a bad mood one day she can tell them all kinds of bad things.

I've been struggling with extreme loneliness.  I have to keep reminding myself it's better than the hell I lived with her raging and throwing things at me.  I lock my doors and have some safety.  A raging text though can have me shaking like before.  Need to work on that.

Last edited by Rob (October 17, 2016 9:42 pm)

Judy, I love your quote on the bottom. I found out quite suddenly that my husband of 25 years was cheating with younger men--three or more of them. Who knows for how long? I divorced him in short order but he stayed in denial and blamed me for being too snoopy, my bad, right?

Anyway, you have captured in this post so much of my frustration. I used to think, how could he do that? Now I think, how dare he do that! I'm pissed off, even though I am settled into my new life and new home without him, and for the most part I'm happy, but, still, how dare he? And how dare he get away without the agony and suffering I've been through since discovery. I feel like I was discarded like a used tissue. And how dare he turn his side of the family against me, because I chose to NOT tell them his truth. I wish I could forgive him and get on with it. I spend too much of my time still spinning from the shock of discovery and trying to make sense of it all, and thinking "I hate you" and how dare you.

Anyway thanks for capturing so well the unfairness of it all. It's a nasty ride we are all riding on. Sure hope to get off it some day. It's better but it's still bad.

Rob, 

The loneliness is a killer and it destroys the hope most days. The only direction is forward for all of us. 

Judy