Thank you. Yes, I tend to be a people pleaser so hurting/disappointing him makes my stomach turn. But, when I think of all the gaslighting, selfishness, etc, I get mad. It's an emotional rollercoaster!

hellobritty wrote:

......... He hasn't shown an ounce of respect for my feelings, but I still can't shake this guilt. Has anyone felt this way?

Hey there Britty Yes yes yes....months of guilt, because I used tears and confused emotion when I didn't understand what was happening (my partner is bisexual and asked me to be okay with him experimenting alone) and he would get angry and tell me "you always do this, it's a cycle of every 3 months". He always said this derisively with a turned down mouth and I would always back down, try to appease him. I felt guilty because (I learned) I was co-dependent and it took me months to realise I was co-dependent because that's how he wanted me to feel, and see myself. I went through these emotional/guilty/contrite/emotional stages until I could no longer deny the obvious pattern of them. I consciously tracked them when they happened, even down to the moment when I'd decide "he's right, life will be worse if I leave"
I no longer feel any of those things but am sure that to finally see an open door I might need emotion to propel me through it

Elle
 

Hellobritty,

"..He said I'm hurting his feelings by rejecting him..."

Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.  We know it all too well.

I learned now that a healthy normal relationship does not include these things.  If any of these come up one should be able to talk about it in a relationship with a normal person.

This is not us leaving them..this is them rejecting us.