Lookingforward welcome My comments are in red

Lookingfoward wrote:

Hello. I’m the wife bi man. Me too..... We’ve been married for a decade My partner and I are in our 37th year together....and as time has gone by he’s steadily lost interest in sex with me. I haven't had sex for 18 months, at my insistence...... In fact over the past year he hasn’t orgasmed during sex with me at all Oh my partner has...going by the new tube of lube in his bathroom (I just don't know if it's him masturbating to porn)..... and always I’m the one to initiate sex, which he very often turns down My partner tried for a few months to initiate sex but stopped when he realised I meant what I said "I don't want you anymore" The rare occasion I bring it up our failing sex life he brushes it off as being tired. He’s also dropped several red flags lately like screaming at me, unprompted, that he wasn’t gay while drunk one night and acting exceptionally homophobic while also getting drunk and flirting with openly gay men…in front me. I actually would LOVE my partner to get angry and show some emotion. He used to use anger/denial/frustration when he was gaslighting me, these days he'd still I think say he's bi not gay, that's if we talked about it but we don't ever.....Yeah, that’s humiliating. He claims he isn’t and has never cheated with either gender and so far I have no reason not trust his word as we’ve been married for a decade and I’ve never caught him being unfaithful. Hmm....when you live with a man for 37 years, when the first 25 were pretty damn good years and I trusted him fully a woman knows deep down that her man has changed. I don't have to even know that he's cheated. He may be telling the truth when he says he means to be monogamous but I know he's been untruthful, I know he has a problem with his attitude to what's sexually/intimately right and wrong, and I also know this all stems from his sexuality and secretive attraction to cock, his catholic upbringing & (maybe) shame. Who knows he won't fucking talk about it!..... I’m very confused and wondering if he’s figuring out that he’s not bi and is actually gay. Yeah I was confused too. And hurt that the man I thought I knew wasn't the man I live with now.... I’m hurt and tired of feeling unwanted but I’m also In a really weird place of wanting to know but also thinking that ignorance may be bliss. Ignorance is NOT bliss. Ignorance is burying your head in the sand. To make a definitive choice about your life you have to know what's happening to it, who's changing the dynamics of it, how you feel about it all and lastly....what you're going to do about it....After all, it’s not like he’s chasing me down for sex anymore so part of me thinks we could live blissfully like roommates. We do live as roommates, quite happily. I keep waiting for him to bring the subject of US up but he never does (part of me wonders if he is indeed happier we are no longer intimate). I have made financial steps, seen a lawyer, most importantly told 2 of my adult children and 2 of my sisters and have their support.... I’m confused and hurt. "Confused and hurt" is the beginning of it all....have you seen a counsellor? have you told supportive others what you feel? Your strength will come when you can admit to yourself that your husband  wants to be the person he is to you but also the man he secretely is.....What do you guys think?

Elle
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 1, 2021 3:09 pm)