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Broom.
I looked for a lawyer that spend time and answered my questions..didnt rush me out.
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If I were divorcing a gay man and had children, I would want full custody. When I divorced my straight husband, we came to an agreement about the divorce settlement and child custody. One of my best friends was not so lucky. She had an affair because her husband only wanted sex six times a year- we later found out that he was a child molester. She did not get as much money as she should have because she had cheated. If you are not comfortable with a homosexual or lesbian helping to raise your children, make their lifestyle known. Good luck.
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@Broom - Sorry I'm just now seeing this post. My divorce was signed off by a judget last week. I have to wait another 120 days for it to be finalized. You hit the nail on the head - lots of anger from being ambushed with his "secret" and fears of a new and unpredictable future. Things have calmed down since and we are actually amicable and continuing to remain friends; however I have doubts that cast over me and wondering do a really need such a deceitful person who wrecked my world in my new life. I'm still undecided and taking it day by day. Lots of therapy!
I can say if possible, discuss the division of assets if you can upfront prior to a lawyer. Make is known what you want and want you will compromise on. If you can do this, it will save you both alot of back and forth on attorney fees. Set a time line on days after the divorce when things need to be settled, etc.
Also, interview as many attorneys as you need to and discuss amount of service, so require a huge retainer and so do not. Many will provide a 30 mins free consult while others take a $250-$300 initial consult fee. My situation was different and the many attorneys I spoke with would not take my case and told me better off to consult a mediator. We had already divided the assets but the alimony payment was a hot negotiation and I was not backing down.
Get a copy of all your tax returns, 401 K, etc. If you feel money or credit cards or accounts are secretly hidden, I would have a discovery done with the lawyer. From my consults discovery is another $1-$2K to have all financials pulled etc.
Good Luck to you!