OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

May 4, 2021 9:55 pm  #21

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

Treelovingvegan wrote:

Any advice on how to start the convo? Any tips?

Hi Treeloving
....I can tell you when NOT to start it. Late at night when you... And he, are tired. I made this mistake many times... Lol
Don't do it when you're hungry either

But when you do open the convo take a deep breath and look him in the eye. Let him see you are serious


KIA KAHA                       

May 4, 2021 10:54 pm  #22

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

I used to ask my ex husband once monthly if he was gay. No sex and constant rejection was troubling to me.

I used to ask him in a loving way, in a friendly way, in a supportive way, in an angry manner. The answer was always no.

Be prepared that if he’s not straight, he may always insist that he is straight.

Take care,

Last edited by MJM017 (May 4, 2021 10:56 pm)

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

May 15, 2021 8:42 pm  #23

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

Elle & Maria - thank you. We had the conversation. He told me he never watched gay porn. He said that he only kissed guys in highschool cuz that’s what a lot of his friends were doing & said he just absorbs the energy of other people. He also said it was “only a couple of guys-maybe 2”. Those were his exact words. He said he doesn’t enjoy shows with heavy gay content- says he watches them like two ugly people kissing. But then he watched entire Netflix series “Hollywood” with heavy gay content. He still wore my shorts one day to work. He still sits to pee. I’m so confused. My gut says there are some interests or exploring —- but I don’t know. Maybe I’m over thinking. We are in our 30s. He’s ready to start trying for kids. If it weren’t for this issue, I would be too. But I don’t want to bring in a child to something I’m still trying to understand. But I’m going to be 35 soon & as can’t wait much longer. I don’t know what to do...I’m planning on just talking more to him. I can’t picture going through a divorce unless I have very solid answers. I can’t see myself going through a divorce based on a hunch. But is that dumb?! Is a hunch enough to end a marriage? I don’t believe he has ever been unfaithful. He was very calm during our conversation. It actually went very well. He was trying to be as comforting as possible& reassuring, I could tell.

Last edited by Treelovingvegan (May 15, 2021 9:24 pm)

     Thread Starter

May 15, 2021 9:42 pm  #24

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

You are not going to get a straight answer (no pun intended) out of your husband.  He will say whatever he needs to and in whatever tone to keep you in line. 
You say you can't "see going through a divorce based on a hunch."  But you have more than enough behavior to conclude that whatever he is, he isn't straight: he kissed boys in high school (Did you ever kiss girls?); he watched a show with "heavy gay content" (after he said he doesn't enjoy them); he wore your shorts to work.  
 Having a child with this man will trap you for years to come.  And don't think he doesn't know this.  You wouldn't be the first person on this site whose spouse used you for the semblance of a hetero family or for a child.  



May 15, 2021 10:19 pm  #25

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

OutofHisCloset wrote:

You are not going to get a straight answer (no pun intended) out of your husband. 


Thx for the smile! Gosh!

Why is this so hard for me to fathom? I’ve heard multiple of you say he is atleast experimenting. But I just can’t wrap my head around the implication of that. It would turn my whole world upside down.

Last edited by Treelovingvegan (May 15, 2021 10:19 pm)

     Thread Starter

May 16, 2021 9:06 am  #26

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

He kissed men because "he just absorbs the energy of other people"?  No, he was kissing (and probably more) with other guys, not "absorbing energy".   Guys who "absorb energy" from other dudes are LGBT+.  This is gaslighting.  This reminds me of my ex-wife denying that she's a lesbian.  She recently said that she just "found love a different way" with regard to her having a girlfriend.  The word salad denial is strong in these people.

Straight people don't "experiment" at this stage in life.  (And his "experimentation" goes back quite a ways.). He's LGBT+.  There's no escaping that.  My advice is to abandon hope that there's a straight dude in your husband.  Make your decisions based upon that.

​This is indeed hard.  Hang in there.



May 19, 2021 11:02 pm  #27

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

I hope you don't mind me answering this question you asked on the MOM board in here Vegan. I prefer posting my response on this board.
You asked.... "Can MOM work if the spouse is in denial or still fighting/suppressing their urges? Or does everything have to be on the table & both people work through it? "

Vegan what's needed is a shitload of honesty for r'ships like ours to work. Not us asking questions and our men  answering (or not). But them knowing they need to address it/have the conversations before anything can start to heal. And if that does happen we have to know inside, at our very core....that our men are being truthful. Like....before all this Mindfuck happened, life was great, you thought life was perfect, that nothing bad could touch the good between you....that's what we should be hoping for. But it has to come from our men. It's them who have to show us that they know that the honesty has to come from them


KIA KAHA                       

May 21, 2021 7:43 am  #28

Re: I don’t know what to think. Please help

I am sorry to hear that you are married to a homosexual. I am in a relationship with one. He will never, ever, admit he's gay. One day he may get up the courage to admit he's bi sexual.  I wish you luck in finding out the truth. Always remember that what goes around comes around, there is always a payback and the payback is hell, and sometimes God will bring you down. My partner does not believe in heaven and hell, he does not believe in karma, and he does not believe in the ancient African  American religion of hoodoo. I am waiting.


Board footera


Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum