OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- Blue Bear
- Member
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Re: The beginning of the end
onceuponatime wrote:
It is very difficult for me to understand how in a matter of a week, he could go from being a loving husband, wanting to kiss and hug me, and enjoy sex with me, to this person who is okay just being friends. It's almost as he turned a switch off, and all the affection he had for me is gone.
Hi onceuponatime: This was also difficult for me to process. I didn't understand how my ex-wife turned into a monster who wanted to end our marriage, apparently because she was in a same-sex affair with a woman.
If it's helpful, I'll share my perspective. I learned that the woman I married didn't actually exist. I married someone who went through the motions to avail herself of the benefits of a heteronormative life, which was more preferable to her than living as her true self (i.e., a lesbian). I was utterly, completely used in a way that no human being should ever be used. The affection that she had for me was not the deep, trusting and romantic relationship I had for her. Then, her shiny new lesbian life became much more appealing, so she ditched me and the life we built together.
This is what these people do. I'm sorry you're here, but keep sharing your story. This board is an amazing resource full of people who have successfully emerged from this.
- lily
- Member
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Re: The beginning of the end
well said blue bear - shocking but true - the person we think we are marrying is a fake persona, they are putting on an act not being themselves.
- Rob
- Member
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Re: The beginning of the end
Ounce,
Bluebear described it well. Like everyone I've had to process "the switch", "the light switch"...the withdrawing all emotion, affection and love for me..also known as "the discard" or rejecting us.
It's not something that we could do to someone we loved. Yes they weren't true to who they were..but we could not be like that either. Its a foreign moral behavior to us..and cuts and hurts like a getting hit by a bus.
Do whatever you need to do. If it works for now to have him there as a roommate for financial help and with your kids then do that...for now.
Do not beat yourself up..you have him for that. Build your support system and know that you loved fiercely and loyally.
This is not us leaving them..this is them rejecting us.
A kind ehug.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7