Reading this makes my heart go out to you.  First of all, I’m sending love and respect your way.

My narcissist-gay-in-denial-ex-wife once said that ‘marriage is a battle for moral superiority.’  And she literally meant it.  This meant that everything was either a cold or hot war all the time.  And if I did the slightest thing she did not approve of, I would feel incredible stress knowing she might come unhinged. 

Of course, there was zero moral introspection on her part when it came to her deceit.  She still feels morally superior even now after the divorce.  She has never apologized for her absurd behavior and likely never will.

Get away from that hot mess of a marriage.  It is the only path forward that can heal you.  It won’t be easy but continuing to live this way is already not easy.  Do you really stand to lose anything of value by getting out?

Do it sooner rather than later.  Why let him waste any more of your time?

Victo wrote:

Reading this makes my heart go out to you. First of all, I’m sending love and respect your way.

My narcissist-gay-in-denial-ex-wife once said that ‘marriage is a battle for moral superiority.’ And she literally meant it. This meant that everything was either a cold or hot war all the time. And if I did the slightest thing she did not approve of, I would feel incredible stress knowing she might come unhinged.

Of course, there was zero moral introspection on her part when it came to her deceit. She still feels morally superior even now after the divorce. She has never apologized for her absurd behavior and likely never will.

Get away from that hot mess of a marriage. It is the only path forward that can heal you. It won’t be easy but continuing to live this way is already not easy. Do you really stand to lose anything of value by getting out?

Do it sooner rather than later. Why let him waste any more of your time?

holy cow!  thank you!  I frequently tell him that I am on his team and he acts like I am the enemy.  I like the 'moral superiority' statement.  I went to dinner with a guy, his sister, and my 50 yr old nephew.  My husband found out (I wasn't hiding it, I just didn't bring it up)  You would have thought I cheated on him.  He said it "was completely inappropriate".  After all our secrets and denied crap - acting like we have a normal, hetero marriage... smh.

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Carly....your husband sounds like the sort of man you wouldn't want to have sex with anyway  

-I understand the isolation, but if you're a social butterfly get online. You can talk to people even if it's 2 metres apart can't you. During New Zealands 4 week Rahui (lockdown) we could walk around the block but so could everybody else and I'll say hello, stop to chat....to anyone
-I think being able to give our love to our pets and say goodbye by giving them the best, most comfortable time is a privelege.
-Your husband deserves to not take up so much of your thoughts. I'm going to say it "you have a job, appreciate the fact you're not having trouble holding on to one, like him"
-I'm 62 as well, and more interested in discovering the new me...than finding a 'buyer' lol
-Your husband sounds like he's a little miffed/embarrassed he isn't in the sole charge of all the manly things. You're obviously not ignorant so just let his nastiness wash over you. Don't hold onto it.
-70lbs? if you say it in kilos it's just under 32 kilograms...but joking aside....the only person who can change that is you....right?
-the near-death stuff, you have my sympathy. Don't let that man drain all your energy!
-This hugging women inappropriately....is it inappropriate to the women as well, have you asked them? If I was you I'd have a chat to your son's gf. She may not feel in a position to say "get off me"

Does anybody know about this other than you?

Elle

Edited to change holf to hold.....lol




 

Thanks!!!  You're right - I want sex/intimacy, but not with him.
Thanks for the metric conversion - I prefer how that sounds. ha!  I did start a healthy eating program incorporating some better nutrition etc.
One of my close friends was able to tell me over a few glasses of wine that she hated how he hugged too long and made this growly/moany sound during the embrace.  I can tell she despises him - like he's a creep/perv.
I think I will say something to my son about the gf feeling empowered to reject the hugs.
I getting some gratification from reading these posts and realizing my life isn't over.  I need to put my mistakes in the rearview mirror and realize that I can only impact the future - the past is what it is.

 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Carly1227 wrote:

.......One of my close friends was able to tell me over a few glasses of wine that she hated how he hugged too long and made this growly/moany sound during the embrace.  I can tell she despises him - like he's a creep/perv. Encourage your friend to tell your husband not to touch her. It's a woman's power, her body, not his.

I think I will say something to my son about the gf feeling empowered to reject the hugs. I really think it should be a woman to woman conversation. It'll come out all male-testosterone-y if your son does it.

I getting some gratification from reading these posts and realizing my life isn't over.  I need to put my mistakes in the rearview mirror and realize that I can only impact the future - the past is what it is. Told you....your power. Slow and steady. Take your life back. 
 

Elle
 

Elle, are you set up for Venmo?  Maybe you're on my insurance??  great counsel. seriously- thank you so much.  I am going to take this advice to heart. 

"Elle, are you set up for Venmo?  Maybe you're on my insurance??  great counsel. seriously- thank you so much.  I am going to take this advice to heart." 

What's Venmo?