Then perhaps when we DO post and say that not all MOMs are doomed to failure, we shouldn't get jumped on and told that they will?  Y'all can do that to us when we come here and post, yet when we call you on it, we get told that there are other places to go to talk about it?  Such a warm and welcoming place!  And sharing one of those places for those who don't know about it and might see something positive instead of post after post of "Run for the hills and don't look back!!"  is wrong? 

You say come here more often and make a difference?  So now that we are coming here, we get told that there are other places to go and we are not supposed to get defensive for the negative feedback we get?  Vicky and I both posted that not all MOMs fail and end in divorce and almost every one here has told us that this is not the place for us (maybe not in those exact words, but that was the intent). So fine...I will come here and start posting all the positives instead of the negatives.  

This is an open forum as you keep pointing out..but it is filled with very close minded people who have no interest in allowing others who have differing stories or opinions to freely express theirs! Apparently it is only open if you want to be negative and WERE in a failed MOM. Nothing I was told when I first came here was supportive. Every single reply was negative and downed my husband, who NOT ONE OF YOU KNOWS.  NO one shared anything about their stories, all they did was tell me I was crazy for staying and that he was no good.  That he would give me an STD and treat me like crap.  Why was it wrong for me to share the link to a place that actually HAS information and stories of successful MOMs so that others who are just starting their journey can see that not every MOM ends in divorce? Every place I mentioned is already mentioned on the resources link on the main SSN page, but no one here on the forums wants to mention them? I get that not all MOMs are successful so why can't you see that there are many that are and allow us to guide others to get support for wanting to try?  Not everyone who has an SSA is an insensitive jerk. Not every str8 spouse is treated like crap and given an STD.  My husband did not CHOOSE to have an SSA.  He fought it his entire life.  He was depressed all the time. Now he is happy and accepts who he is.  He isn't out sleeping around behind my back. He sexually satisfies me. We are happy together. So why not let others know that it is still possible to be happy in a MOM??  

Well I, for one, plan on being more welcoming to st8 spouses, no matter where they are in their journey.  My only intention here is to help, and I'll only be able to accomplish that goal if I speak in a voice that is heard.  In my own life, I know that almost no advice - whether asked for or not - is taken well if it's negative.  My biggest revelations have come from self-realization (usually from talking to someone) and then digesting that - NOT from hearing someone tell me what I need to do.  No one needs a bossy friend - we all just need a good listener that's willing to tell you the truth when asked.  I'm going to try to be that person more.

All are welcome, so long as we're being respectful to one another.

Kel

Last edited by Kel (October 10, 2016 10:03 am)

Steve wrote:

Hey PS I'm curious... Is there ANYONE still on this forum (other than Sam) who remembers the name 'Portia'?

Steve, I lurked here for many years reading and getting invaluable and life-saving advice from posters such as Patti, jj, etc.  I never posted because my lawyers were adamantly against any social media postings.  Back then there might have been one or two posts per week as opposed to one or two per hour. I took a hiatus from SSN around the time you and your mates found the site. I was in the throws of single mom-hood and had not a minute to spare.  I remember being overwhelmed and saddened by the stories of the all the new men arriving but I do remember you all to be quite spirited and lively. Years later I would return and eventually work up the courage to post.  I do believe that you were the first to welcome me and urge me to share. It may have taken me another year to do so, but "thank you".

I do remember Portia who rotated aliases and funny you should mention her as a posting here recently reminded me of her.  I can't for the life of me remember the name of the gent she was tracking, although I do recall he was funny and witty and quite a wordsmith.  Do tell me if I am remembering that all correctly?

One last person I have been wondering about is Diff?  Do you know if he is alright and what happened to him?  Also tell David he is missed too. It has been boring without him.

Last edited by WendiT (October 10, 2016 11:05 am)

Hey JerseyGirl There was absolutely nothing wrong with you posting a link to Alternative Pathways. My point was that I was copping flak from Vicky for suggesting Leslie go to a closed group then you did exactly the same thing i.e. suggested people go to a closed group. I personally think people should get help WHEREVER they can find it.

Because this is a public forum there are people here who don't like MOM's. We can't stop them posting their opinions here because its a public forum and it's their opinion. Negative opinions about MOMs make it pretty hard for people trying to make a MOM work to be here sometimes.

When I see someone having a hard time here on this forum - like Leslie was - when I see them NOT getting the support they are seeking - I try to direct them to places where they WILL (hopefully) get the support they need. When I said to Leslie "this might not be the best spot for you" and directed her to the closed MOM groups on SSN that's ALL I was doing. I was trying to protect her from the negative feedback she was getting here and direct her to places where she would be better supported. I was NOT saying 'We don't want you here'.

I HOPE I have finally cleared that up.

Several times in the past this forum has been described as being like the Wild West. When you walk into this saloon ANYONE could be here. I'm sorry to say it's not (necessarily) a 'safe' place. Membership is NOT controlled although in EXTREME cases you can get blocked. In all the years I've been here (on and off) I only know of one time someone got blocked although it has probably happened more. Only Sam (Admin) knows.

If this forum does have a 'bad rep' - and I'm sure it does in certain circles - it's because it is public, open and deliberately loosely moderated. We are largely left to our own devices and expected to treat each other respectfully. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen. Some people here will - and do - act like jerks OR say things out of anger or pain that makes them sound like a jerk. It's just how it is here.

If people from highly moderated closed groups want to lurk here and 'tut-tut' over the bad things that happen here all I can say is "Welcome to the Wild West!! Hee Har!!"  *shoots pistols into the air*

Sorry for another long post. Insomnia sucks.

Thanks JerseyGirl... I'm glad we are finally understanding each other. Phew!!. I'm also glad you are thinking about hanging around and being a positive voice for MOMs or at least a voice for those trying to make a MOM work. The more diverse this community is the better in my opinion. The more diverse we are the more HELPFUL we will be.

I personally let the conservatives help the conservatives. The religious folks help the religious folks. The people dealing with transgender help the people dealing with transgender, The people dealing with a cheater help the people dealing with a cheater. Etc etc etc. It seems to work best that way. That's not to say others can't chime in but it's usually best to let people with similar experiences help

It will take all of your patience when someone wants to oppose your views. All I can advise is that you stay true to your convictions while allowing others to have theirs... however wrong you think they may be. We are ALL on our own journey. There is no 'one size fits all'.