MovingForward,

 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And, it’s all happening so fast, too. Being told your husband is gay is a big enough blow for you to process. I know when I found out my husband is bisexual, and had been seeing men our entire relationship, I was crushed, beside myself, outraged, mind blown, ...you name it. The emotions were all over the place. So, whatever you’re feeling, let it flow.

Since he’s moved out of the house, I would think a good place to start with boundaries would be when he is with you (and the children). The first one I can think of is for him to abstain from texting, calling,etc his male “sex” friends. That’s the least he can do, in my opinion. Neither you nor the children should have to put up with him acting out in your home.

 I know the hopelessness of it. It’s like a big hole off emptiness as well as a lot of confusion going around in it. It does get better. Just remember to breathe, eat & pee 😉. Be good to YOU. Like you said, he has a new apartment, néw furniture,etc......so, you deserve something good, too.

Do you have any family or friends to talk to that are understanding and not judgmental? That will help you a lot. Also getting a good therapist that’s experienced with LGBTQ is a good idea.

Others will chime in later & give you some more suggestions. Many have been through what you’re going through.

Best of luck.Hang in there One Day at a Time...sometimes one minute at a time....whatever it takes. You’ll get there.

(((((HUGS))))

One way to "get through this" is to get a lawyer, for yourself.  You already know that you can't count on your husband to be honest with you.  In fact, you may even discover that the "few people" is really "one person."  You wouldn't be the first to be left--and to be jerked around--because your closeted spouse has found a same-sex lover.  A lawyer can tell you your rights under the law, and can advise you on what to do and not to do to protect yourself and your children.  Your spouse has already spent a great deal of marital money on his "new apartment" and "new furniture."  

Hi, Look I am going to be blunt - he will be focused on his side of the finances don't you think?

That is the bit that worries me the most, where you say it is 'no conflict', and 'we will be getting a divorce at some point' - is that when he's ready for it?

It is highly likely he doesn't feel the same sense of responsibility towards the children that you do - I am hoping you have some family members that can help, he is leaving you with three young children to look after.

Sorry for your pain, I know it's intense.  Hang in there, you will come back to normal in a while.  I found it was the energy of my anger that helped me push through the divorce.   wishing you all the best, Lily

 Is there a reason for delaying divorce? I think that's an important step for helping you to move on. 

Hey, MovingForward:  Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

A switch flipped for me when I realized that the woman I married never really existed.  There was no straight Mrs. Blue Bear who loved me the way I loved her.  I would never have married a lesbian, and I needed to fix that quickly and aggressively.  Get a lawyer.  Start the process now.  Protect yourself despite the promises he's making to you -- get your lawyer to memorialize all of it with an enforceable document.

Your post is entitled "he is already seeing someone...".  As much as I hate to say it, he probably HAS BEEN seeing someone.  Often, it's the same-sex relationship that pushes them out of the closet rather than a sense of integrity or concern for the straight spouse.

The texting others during what should be a family event is triggering for me.  In ye olde marital home, we had a really nice home theater setup, and we would have Family Movie Night every weekend.  It was fun, and the kids enjoyed munching popcorn while watching a silly movie while hanging out with their parents.  Eventually, my ex-wife lost interest and started texting her girlfriend when she should have been paying attention to the kids.  And after I discovered the affair, she kept it up.  It was awful.

As a suggestion, your time with the kids needs to be your time with the kids.  You don't need to have your selfish, gay soon-to-be-ex-husband ruining that for you.  He can go text his boyfriend from his shiny new apartment.  If he wants time with the kids, he can do that at his place.