D&S,

Is there anything you want to talk about?

It sounds like you’re in a really bad place, and most of us can identify with that for sure! I know feeling like you’ll never be happy again. I’ve been through many of those days myself. Life, even though it has had pitfalls in the past, has never been like what we go through when we have to deal with all of this. I’ve had all kinds of things in my life to overcome: 3 miscarriages (and, not able to have children; at 30 got a lifelong illness & became totally disabled at 38; 1st husband was alcoholic w/violent tendencies *not toward me, thank goodness* & he sobered up after 10 yrs of marriage; 1st husband passed away just after I turned 50; ...and, I know there’s more, however NOTHING compared to this, not even my 1st husband’s death.

My current husband cheated on me our entire relationship until May, 2019 after I finally ‘caught’ him with enough information that he had to admit it. We’ve been working on reconciling ever since. He quit seeing men, which is the ONLY reason we’re still together. It’s been (& still is) a hard road.......a LOT of arguing. It seems like EVERYTHING sets one of us off .... and, I’m just waiting for him to ‘slip’ again. I’m totally monogamous, and just can NOT change, so if he does, we’ll have to split.

Anyway, that’s a little about me. If you want to share, please do.......it helps.

((((HUGS))))

D&S,
"..I just feel... like a weak, easily manipulated, and a coward..."

No.  Just no.

You are not weak. You are not a coward. 

You love fiercely and honestly.  You  have empathy and feel.  You endure hurt and still love.

You are stronger than he can ever imagine.

Do what you have the strength to do . know that your best is good enough.
 

D&S,
”I just feel weak, easily manipulated and a coward”

That’s understandable, however you know you aren’t because you are still kicking. We go through so much with all of this that you have to be strong just to get through the day sometimes.

It’s so hard to actually make the final decision to walk out the door (or, have him walk). It’s so....’final’. But, if you’re constantly unhappy, it could be the best thing for peace and happiness for you. No one can make that decision except you. I’ve thought about it many times myself, and then he’ll get nice again. At least he isn’t acting out any more. That  is considered a ‘deal breaker’ for me. All these other things, like the constant arguing,  aren’t so black & white; just irritating ....and, I think that it could be peaceful not being together. Lately, he’s been saying we’re ‘toxic’ to each other, and he’s right. We haven’t had one day go by this week that we haven’t argued over something (usually stupid). But, it’s just arguments, so hoping they’ll get better. It’s not to easy to say: okay, if we don’t stop arguing by ..Tuesday.... BUT, if TGT raises it’s head and he goes out after a man, it’ll be an easy decision. That’s just me. I’ve been through it already and won’t do it again.

I wish you the best in your situation. Please do what’s best for YOU.

(((((HUGS)))))

I have KNOWN about all of this for over a decade... he actually threw it in my face, saying I have stayed this long, and I have known!

I went back saying that maybe after 10 years, or the fact that I SHOULD have known for 14, just maybe I am ready to finally move on.

After reading SO MUCH, and reading about trauma and abuse, I really relate to it all! I told him this, too. And he got MAD that I would accuse him of abuse. He would NEVER abuse me.

Right. But lie to me time after time, and from the very beginning..? Sure.
A line I just heard in a TV show- “You took away my choice.” Yes!! That’s exactly what happens. And he doesn’t seem to see why that’s a big deal.

D&S,
It is abuse.  As Daryl said..just because they are not physically hitting us doesn't mean they are not screaming, lying, hiding things, throwing things..etc.

As example..the silent treatment is emotional abuse.

I had to have stranger..my psychiatrist tell me I was abused before it really dawned on me.  Most of us don't think of our spouse as anything other than a friend and confidant.