"Maybe now that he is open with everyone in his life that will help with what's been blocking us."

What's been "blocking" you is that he is gay and you are not.  That block will never go away. He will always prefer men to you.  I lived it for 28 years and then some (post divorce).  Be glad he is so open and honest and apparently caring.  He seems to value your friendship and relationship very much - so much that he wants to be honest, trusting, and not hurt you.  He is sending you a very strong message; be open to it.  Many of us here never got such caring and concern.  Best of luck.

I can't speak directly to this situation as my ex and I both agreed that trying to maintain our partnership would be unfair to both of us in the long run. I do know this - it's takes two fully invested people to make a life partnership work. I don't know the solution to your situation but it does sound like you can have a honest conversation about it with him. Is intimacy important? If you define it beyond the sexual I think it it what makes the difference between being 'friends with benefits' or roommates vs. being a couple. Try changing perspectives, what if a BFF came to you with this dilemma? What might you suggest? Best wishes.

Hello there, Buffy.
This reminds me of my thinking and the game mine played with me. He spun me in circles and I just kept on trying even when it involved negotiating a new existence within the horrible marriage. There comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself and get out of a relationship that can't possibly benefit you. Morphing a marriage into something your newly declared GAY spouse wants for convenience (i.e. maid, child care cook etc. ) is just plain never going to get you anywhere. Most seem very good at attempting to do that. You deserve better than having him decide your future. One thing is clear. You don't have a future with him.  I've lived this. I did what you are considering for decades which ended in epic heartache and my realizing what a fool I was to even consider it. Please don't take this as harsh. I think we're doing far too much dancing around here due to someone who accused us of being that way earlier in the week. We all know we were duped, secrets kept from us and even open lies. We just don't want to have that happen to you with no end in sight. Cut your loss and press ahead. You deserve to be happy with nobody else negotiating how that comes to be. We all support whatever you decide to do. This is a horror to live through. I'm sorry you have this in your life at all. You're in my prayers...I know you'll make the correct decision for you.

Last edited by Judy (October 8, 2016 6:23 pm)

Thank you all for the advice. It's comforting hearing that others have felt the same emotions and confusions.

It's just hard to understand how can two people be together for so in long, in love, shared happy times - half that time knowing about his attraction to men - and then all of a sudden he turns the switch off and is done. He makes it seem so black and white - if he wants to be open about having attraction to men then he can't have any emotions or feelings for me.

Is it wrong for me to want to give it a try for 6mths and see if we can make it work? I think if we were to do that I'd either find closure and we can move to being friends or we find a way to both be happy and stay together.

Buffy ,   I would say I knew my now exwife all my life...married decades, my girlfriend in college..  kids now.
It didn't matter..like a old couch I was discarded.  If I look at what I was discarded for its even more demeaning.  Call it my ex wife's midlife crisis...like a light switch I was suddenly garbage.  Imagine all physical contact and basic conversation being withdrawn from you..but you did nothing wrong..can't even apologize or fix it.
I would not wish this on my worst enemy.  I'd rather have a limb cut off.it goes beyond and transcends physical pain..

Run..run like your hair is on fire.