God, what a truly awful situation to be in. I'm so sorry. Like you, I would also want to know if my husband was messaging random men (or women) for sex....And, while I'd be absolutely devastated to get this news, I would be grateful to not spend another day with a deceptive man who was selfishly putting my physical and emotional well-being at risk.. Do you have proof you can show her? I think telling her is going to require a very delicate approach...but, you also have to look out for yourself, too. Does your husband know you know about this other guy?

I am in the same situation!

My soon to be ex husband came out to me being trans after 16 years together.

I only found out last week or so he was sexting men disgusting naked pics of himself in his female form. He was cybersex by email too.

He of  course deleted the email history; however it still leaves and email address trail. I reversed the email address looking online etc and found out who this man is. He is married with children! I also reversed all the phone sexting and know exactly where each one of them live.

I am in the process of divorcing and it’s war now. I was going to call the wife after my divorce but stupidly he ticked me off today and I said you are disgusting talking to married men! He said yes the guy said he is married. I said I know who he is. I said let me call his wife. He said go ahead I don’t care.

I really don’t know who my “spouse” is. I literally don’t know him at all! Everything he is it not what I married. And everything I wanted to do with him - dance, try new things in bedroom, fantasies etc.....he doesn’t do this with me BUT shares this stuff with total strangers men!  Not only betrayal but so hurtful. And he has the nerve to create new email addresses and the new password is “loveandhappiness” as if I didn’t give him either.

I know when I discovered his cross dresser account there are so many married men hooking up with cross dressers. It’s like a tranny fetish!! To they call them cross dresser chasers.

I feel so grossed out! I am not ever gonna even date again. This whole experience has turned me off to dating and men!

I would definitely tell the wife! I would want to know if I had a deceiving cheating spouse. I plan on telling this wife after all the divorce proceedings because it’s now war!

Lorelei I read your story. My soon to be ex also says he’s not attracted to men and he’s not gay..... He said he’s only attracted to men in his female form. However yesterday during divorce talk I find out he’s been doing anal etc with toys for almost a year. He’s just can’t admit it but he’s gay and now trans and bi. I literally don’t know who I married!

Last edited by LostAtSea (January 12, 2021 8:06 am)

Maya wrote:

I see myself in similar situation. I found out my husband is bisexual about 15 years ago, we almost divorced then but both of us reconciled since he had not have actual sexual encounter with another man, mostly cyberporn, sex toys.  We had 3 kids after that reconciliation. But mid 2020 , I found a  STD lab tests , which are all neg (-)  when I was checking our annual blood works. I asked him about it , said it was just for pre procedure .  Just recently , while I was going through our mail and bills, I saw a charge for a hotel in December using his own debit card , I was working on that day it got charged.  Furthermore, I notice him holding his phone wherever he goes  even just at home, or place it in his pocket. I tease him about it,  he  says just watching you tube.  Then one night when he was asleep, I saw his phone was lit up, so I was about to turn it off and saw sexual photos  and text  messages with another man. Now,   I am sure he had repeatedly have sexual encounters , not sure if they same man. He doesn’t know yet that  I know about this encounters. I cannot sleep , cannot concentrate at work. Please Help!

Hi Maya...I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. I can imagine you are in a great deal of shock right now—and I think all of us can relate to not being able to sleep or concentrate at work. Not many people come to this section of the forum — so you may try re-posting this in the "Support" section. My suggestion (though I realize how difficult this is) is to try to remain calm...and gather as much evidence as you can before confronting your husband (because he will likely deny / blame-shift / and excuse away his behavior.) Going by the countless stories I've read here, many will only confess when faced with insurmountable evidence. Take care of yourself. I know how much this sucks.

Last edited by Julian_Stone (January 21, 2021 12:21 pm)