Hello! I haven't written in months because I just have shut myself down, emotionally, physically. I just couldn;t cope with the reality of what HE did to me, to our children, to our marriage, to everything. Everything I had believed was a lie, it was false that he fed to me that I wouldn;t question anything anymore. But when I fianally got the truth everything fell apart, including my life and my emotions. I have prayed and prayed and cried until I didn't think I have any tears left. I was wrong, I still have tears, sadly.
I have been trying for months to be a singe parent to 4 young kids plus raise my grandson, I just can't take it anymore. I am so far behind in the bills and now I am asking, no begging for help. I never did this before and am truly not happy cuz I was raised that I help others first, and always put myself last. That isn;t working for me now. I have spent my life taking care of everybody and my health has suffered for it and now I have to try to work on helping myself but first I have to get us help. I have spinal cord nerve damage that I have had for years that prevents me from working and there are days that it takes everything just to get out of bed. And trying to raise 4 kids under the age of 13 plus a 2 year old grandson isn't easy, I'm not a spring chicken anymore. I had a heart attack months ago and now I need to have a double mastectomy cuz I have that BCR cancer gene and both grandmothers died from breast cancer. I'm doubly scared over that but I need to do to make sure I am here to raise my kids.
"HE" has been in jail and then in the state hospital getting help his issues but that has left me holding the bag so to speak and dealing with everything. I have had to learn how to do things that HE did and it's been a learning experience, I am not a mechanical person not a technology person so dealing with kids that have to be online for school is an adjustment. Plus my youngest son has been diagnosed with epilepsy and I had to take him out of school to cyber school him and I have been running into a problem with the local judge because of the days he had missed school prior.
The rent fell behind and I have to be in district court next Wed cuz the realtor wants us either out or his money and I can't come up with $3000. That includes the rent plus late charges. HE has finally gotten his military disability done and finalized and we will start getting that next month but that doesn't help me at the moment. We have been robbed 2x and never got any of our belongings back, last year my kids Christmas gifts were taken, 2 weeks ago we got robbed again, somebody broke into our shed where all our holiday stuff was, along with the mower, the kids bikes, the baby's pack n play, his crib, stroller. The cop said that it seems like they took stuff they could pawn easily. All I know is that my kids and I are scared and I just feel like life is spinning out of control. We don't have renters insurance cuz we can't afford it.
Right now I am afraid that we are gonna have to move and I can't afford to move, let alone find another place and come up with the money for security and that stuff. I know it's a lot to ask but if anybody could help me I would greatly appreciate it and I will promise to pay you back even if it takes m months to do it. Please I am asking for help, not only for myself but for my kids. HE did this to us and I am trying to do what's right but I'm just behind the 8 ball and need help. Please, I'm asking. You can email me at slbzito717@gmail please. Thank you.