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1 of 1- Lorelei
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Advice needed
There’s one man my husband told me about who he went to multiple times. I made him take me to the mans house because I wanted to know if he was being honest with me. I now know where he lives and want to go there myself to see if he was honest with me. Of course I wouldn’t go alone but I feel I need to go. What do y’all think?
- SusanneH
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Re: Advice needed
This is a new one for me, but I’ll at least give you my first thoughts on it.
What do you want to ask the guy? What do you hope to gain? I know how you feel, as I wanted to talk to the one guy he told me about at first (then, he told me about all the rest he had sex with throughout our relationship, and before), but after I thought about it, there wasn’t much I really wanted to ask, as I figured he wouldn’t tell me anything that would help me know any more that would help me figure all this out. My husband had been pretty forthcoming about their hook-ups at the video store, the back of his van & even in one of our rentals that was empty at the time...Thank goodness the house was sold & torn down, but the van is his work van, and it has his business info on the side, so it’s too hard to get rid of. He wouldn’t do it anyway, I don’t think.
At any rate, I don’t think it’s a good idea IMHO. If you feel you have to do it, then, by all means, do it to satisfy your curiosity. If I had felt really strongly about it, I probably would have gone.
Good luck whichever you decide.
(((((HUGS)))))
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Advice needed
If he has been honest (and I'd be surprised if he's told you everything) taking this any further, to the extent of meeting this other man, will only confuse and muddy what is happening. I think.
You don't sound angry, you sound like you might be willing to forgive him which will tell him it's okay to do what he's doing and who he's doing it with.
Are you?
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Lorelei
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Re: Advice needed
Since I last posted I found out that he wasn’t being completely honest and frankly still isn’t. I read messages where he was doing it all. The messages read like I was watching a porno! But of course “I never did any of it” so I’ve come to the realization that he will NEVER be honest with me so there’s nothing left to work out. I deserve so much better than this and it’s not what I said “I do” to.
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Thread Starter- SusanneH
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Re: Advice needed
Lorelei wrote:
Since I last posted I found out that he wasn’t being completely honest and frankly still isn’t. I read messages where he was doing it all. The messages read like I was watching a porno! But of course “I never did any of it” so I’ve come to the realization that he will NEVER be honest with me so there’s nothing left to work out. I deserve so much better than this and it’s not what I said “I do” to.
I heard “I never had sex with any of those men” SO many times, seeing them almost brings up the PTSD! He lied to me while looking me straight in the eyes for 16 months before I ‘had’ him & he pretty much had to tell part of the truth, anyway. When he realized I was going through with the polygraph, he told me the rest.
However, he did finally come clean after that & has been telling the truth since then. I am a sleuth, and got really good at it while searching for evidence, and since then haven’t found anything detrimental. I’ve even still been following him around with ‘find my iPhone’, and he’s always been where he’s supposed to be since then. Nothing even questionable. that’s going to be the only way I can go forward with this relationship. NO cheating, porn or lying. (No porn since he even says it will lead him back out. It’s like eye candy to him). He signed a contract with things like that, where if he goes against any of them, they are all ‘deal breakers’, and it will mean the end of our marriage. OH, and I know I need to stop all spying on him to help regain my trust in him. So, that’s on me. Since he hasn’t done anything to lose what trust I’ve gained, I should be trusting him more by now, but it takes a long time after all that lying.
One thing, though, is that even after all that they can actually start telling the truth. I hope that happens with you & your husband. wishing you all the best.
((((HUGS))))