Well, it has been over 2 weeks since Discovery Day as I call it and I am still so confused. Some of the shock has worn off, I am feeling numb to the emotions anymore. By accident, and thanks to Life360 App, I discovered my husband has been having sex with Transgender prostitutes and occasionally meeting for blow jobs with straight/bi/gay men. He has told me everything. We have been married for 20 years and together for 24 and really I never suspected this was going on because he would do it while he was at work, never on evenings or weekends. He has been cheating on me in this way for 18 years and I feel like everything had was based on lies. He says he has a problem and wants help. He is begging me to please forgive him and I know he feels awful about the pain he has caused me. We have 2 teenage boys and he says he will kill himself if they ever find out, he has been suicidal over the last 2 weeks. We are seeing a marriage counselor and he saw an individual therapist today who specializes in sex addiction and behavioral disorders. My parents know about it and they might need therapy too, my dad is so traumatized. I am traumatized. I have access to his hook up sites and his email that he used to meet these people and I have sent messages to some of them under the guise it was him and they replied with nasty pictures of their female/male genitalia. He says it was 90% Trans prostitutes and that he likes the penis part mixed with the female parts of breast implants and demure disposition. He is masculine, into sports and cars and says he doesn't check out men, that he is into women. He contracted an STD and gave it to me, testing was one of the first steps we took after Discovery Day. I am so torn apart, not sure if I should be mad, sad or humiliated. Nothing will ever be the same between us. We had a better than average sex life, or so I thought, but looking back I can remember all of the times he seemed to be disconnected, never passionate and never into making love. Closing his eyes while having sex with me. Most of me says to leave him, but I don't want him to leave while he is still confused and in a tailspin. We need for him to keep his job no matter what so I am trying to stabilize him before making any big decision. Christmas is next week and it is typically my favorite holiday but this year is like there is no Christmas. If anyone has dealt with this issue I would love to hear from you. I am open minded and a strong person most of the time but this has me questioning my own identity. We are not the power couple any longer, no longer pillars of our community and idolized for our marriage.