where to start?
we met almost 13 years ago. she was pregnant with her youngest. we were both married. she was my PTA  as i rehabbed an injury. we struck up a friendship that remained that way until after her youngest was born. we both went thru divorces, and jumped right into each other. we were crazy for each other. after about 5 years she proposed to me in front of my family on christmas day. she's not romantic at all,so that was incredibly special. because of my own fears and issues we had in the relationship we never got married. but were together for 11 years. she started a new job about 2 years ago and struck up a friendship with a gay woman. they became good friends. she was married. my girl was straight so i had no worries about it. that had a few weekend get aways. i still trusted it was all good. we had been thru so many ups and downs. exs. multiple college degrees for her. job changes. home relocations. lots of adversity, but always came thru. got matching pb and j tattoos on our hands. i had no reason to ever suspect anything. she went away in late march of this year for a weekend get away. as i was getting her packed up. she just cried. told me she didnt want to go. wanted to stay home, but her friend would be let down. i talked her into going. 
she came home seemed a little off. i was edgy and we got into a fight. she said she could do it anymore. wanted to break up. over the next couple days we discussed our problems. was there any options. i jokingly asked if she was gay.......she told me she wasn't straight. then proceeded to tell me she had struggle with attractions to women since jr high, but could never come out. 
fucking blew my mind. i had no clue. i have sister that's been out and married for years. we talked about her over the years. nothing ever made me think otherwise. i am beyond devastated. its been almost 9 months and i hurt as much now as i did when she told me. i spend almost 11 years raising her 2 girls as my own. it took her about 6 months to come out to her friends and family.. since she's come out, she has basically treated me like i'm dead. we've had no contact for over 2 months. i've accepted that's who she is. but she wont let the girls speak to me. i've sent cards. gifts for bdays. hell i even gave her financial support for the first 6 months. paid other bills for her. 
fuck. i don't know what to say from here. i just cant seem to stop hurting. she's moved on with a woman. i cant seem to see any other woman the way i seen her. even after all this.
terrible awful place to be.
that's brief, but thanks for reading. i