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1 of 1- StraightSpouse1979
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Pandemic Fallout
I have not written in here for quite some time. This December is two years since I was given the official word from my stbx husband that he wants to be a she. We have stayed under the same roof since then. I was just so overwhelmed and full of fear, anger and hatred that it was demobilizing. It was not until I met someone special that I was able to start to lose some of the hatred that I had inside of me. We have been together a glorious 9 months of a very long distance relationship. 21 hours distance. Even though at this point, the stbx and I "get along" it is very traumatizing to me because I feel like I am a stranger to my environment. I dont feel anything oustide of my bedroom is mine. I feel like a guest here. I feel like I am around a complete stranger since he doesnt resemble anything of the man I knew. We do not argue which is best for my daughter but I feel like all I do is walk around in this fog. It is amazing what we dont realize we lacked all along until we have that. With the man I am with now I feel like a totally different person. Maybe I feel like "me". I just want to be able to get on with my life and this pandemic is just depressing me. I work in healthcare so I saw the worst of it though it is better now but numbers are starting to be on the rise again where I live.
Has anyone else been forced to stay in the home after these changes occured due to circumstances beyond your control? How have you coped? How did you explain to a 6 year old about separation and pending divorce? I am just at a loss here on how to explain these things. She knows dad wants to be a she and is different that way but does not seem too affected by this change.
Just know that there is life and love on the other side of things. I never thought I would find someone else again and despite our strange circumstances, we make things work. Love is an amazing thing.
hope everyone stays well
- SusanneH
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Re: Pandemic Fallout
SS,
I’m glad you’ve found someone 😊. That has to feel so much better than what you’ve gone through. I hope you can get everything worked out through this pandemic 😷. Ughhhh. It makes everything so much harder.
I’ve been stuck at home, too. I’m extremely high risk for COVID due to low immune system (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome &fibromyalgia), pre-diabetic & have COPD. SO, I’ve only left the house three times since March 7th, & they were all Dr appointments. Being ill, I’m used to not getting out, but I am beginning to feel like a prisoner. Oh, I did leave one more time. We had an argument & I HAD to get away, so I got in the car & drove down the road & parked; listened to some music & played on the iPad, then went home. I couldn’t go anywhere with the stupid Corona virus everywhere 🙄.
At least the argument wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t just come back 😉. We’re actually doing much better, and arguing is less. If we could just get out & have some FUN, it would sure help! Instead, we’re stuck in a little ‘temporary’ 600sq ft house together. At least we have 60+ acres to get out in & walk around, see the cows and sheep, so it’s better than it could be 🙃.
Take care & I hope you get to start your ‘new life’ soon.
((((HUGS))))
- StraightSpouse1979
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Re: Pandemic Fallout
Thank you Susanne. I hope to be able to start my new life too but with all these ridiculous travel restrictions, it is becoming quite difficult
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Thread Starter- Zenobia
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Re: Pandemic Fallout
SS yes I am in a similar position. Several years of escalation but TTT announcement during pandemic, a couple of months into stay at home in the US. Once small child about the age of yours at home. I definitely feel constrained at home. It was my home prior to the start of the relationship so I retain feelings of ownership and such but don’t feel like I can really be at ease completely with them here. Things were strained outside of their decision so it is all tangled up and difficult. It’s been difficult also to process it all with them still here and “nowhere to run” so to speak. Not much advice for coping as I have my doubts on how I’m doing some days.
You mentioned your space in your room. Is there anything you can do there special to help feel really good? Decor or hobby or something that really lifts your spirits and/or increases your feeling of belonging?
Thank you for showing that live is possible after this.
Wish I had some advice to offer. My child knows that dad wants to be called a different name but I imagine they are noticing more that dad is on the phone all the time busy more that noticing the change of clothes hours in the mirror.
Last edited by Zenobia (November 19, 2020 6:57 pm)
- StraightSpouse1979
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Re: Pandemic Fallout
Zenobia wrote:
SS yes I am in a similar position. Several years of escalation but TTT announcement during pandemic, a couple of months into stay at home in the US. Once small child about the age of yours at home. I definitely feel constrained at home. It was my home prior to the start of the relationship so I retain feelings of ownership and such but don’t feel like I can really be at ease completely with them here. Things were strained outside of their decision so it is all tangled up and difficult. It’s been difficult also to process it all with them still here and “nowhere to run” so to speak. Not much advice for coping as I have my doubts on how I’m doing some days.
You mentioned your space in your room. Is there anything you can do there special to help feel really good? Decor or hobby or something that really lifts your spirits and/or increases your feeling of belonging?
** There really is not much I can do but watch tv. I am hoping this all ends soon because then my daughter will be in school full time and I can proceed with the divorce as planned. I dont want to do it twice. Once now and then have to change it all again. Also, I am afraid if I do that and he buys me out of the house he will make me leave and I dont have a leg to stand on
Thank you for showing that live is possible after this. I was not looking for anything but in the midst of this found someone who understands way more than anyone should about what is going on so we had a solid foundation of friendship first which I think is what made this so amazing, I am blessed
Wish I had some advice to offer. My child knows that dad wants to be called a different name but I imagine they are noticing more that dad is on the phone all the time busy more that noticing the change of clothes hours in the mirror.
My STBX MTF doesnt have a new name but I am sure once I leave and we divorce "he" will be more drastic.
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Thread Starter