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  •  » Coping with the fallout of kids figuring it out?

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    October 15, 2020 9:49 pm  #1

    HRE1984
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    Coping with the fallout of kids figuring it out?

    I am 4 years post-confession and two years divorced. And I just mentioned in my previous topic that our 11 year old recently figured out the truth about her dad. She realized his "friend" was more than that and started really paying attention to his mannerisms. She sobbed to me that she "thinks it would have been better if she and her brother had never been born because he should have never gotten married and been able to have kids". As a mother who struggled with infertility and whose kids have literally kept her going through this, that broke me. She is heartbroken and disgusted. And she doesn't want him to know that she knows. He has been out of the family home for 3 years now... Living with his parents in a small house, getting our kids half the week. He has a great job and got the profits when we sold our old house so there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't have kept his promise to our kids to get them a home by now. Instead, he is "secretly" shacking up with his new guy when my kids aren't around (even though that goes against our legal agreement that neither of us cohabitates) and my daughter knows she's being lied to about his whereabouts every night on FaceTime. And instead of getting a place for them like he promised them, or not cohabitating like he promised me, he recently got himself weightloss surgery and asked the kids if they were "excited to have a skinny daddy". Clearly he and his relationship will always be top priority. And now my daughter sees it. I am seriously contemplating legal action because she says she doesn't ever want to live in a house with her dad and another guy. And I don't blame her. It's not the example WE agreed to set for our kids. He doesn't deserve them and one of my biggest regrets is agreeing to 50/50. I wish he'd just go live his new free life and leave me and the kids to lead normal ones. How did you deal with the fallout after the kids knew? Did any choose to live with you full-time after finding out or did anyone seek legal action to keep the negative influence away from your kids as much as possible?

     

    November 10, 2020 3:38 pm  #2

    TangledOil
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    Re: Coping with the fallout of kids figuring it out?

    I can’t help you out with any advice, but I hope someone else can chime in and help you out. 

     

    November 10, 2020 4:21 pm  #3

    Ellexoh_nz
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    Re: Coping with the fallout of kids figuring it out?

    HRE1984 wrote:

    HRE My situation is different to yours and my children were young adults but I did decide to tell them because there came a point I needed their emotional support. 
    Your daughter has figured it out all by herself so she's a smart cookie, and as her mother you should be there for her, 
    to answer her questions, say to her "how's it going...do you have questions for me" because she may have nobody but you to talk about her emotions, her fears, her r'ship with her father. Coming up to the 'turbulent teenage' years it will help her to have you as a confidante

    Elle
     

    KIA KAHA                       
     

    November 10, 2020 5:38 pm  #4

    TakenbySurprise
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    Re: Coping with the fallout of kids figuring it out?

    HRE1984 wrote:

    wish he'd just go live his new free life and leave me and the kids to lead normal ones. How did you deal with the fallout after the kids knew? Did any choose to live with you full-time after finding out or did anyone seek legal action to keep the negative influence away from your kids as much as possible?

    I'm not exactly at this point yet.  But it's exactly how I feel.  If I had enough money, I'd take my kids and disappear.  We have hammered out a separation agreement and spouse will be moving out around the beginning of the year. He gets visitation once a week and every other weekend with each kid individually (so one weekend/per month/per kid).  I will have full legal custody.  Although spouse didn't fight me much on these things, I would have been prepared to fight however much I needed to limit their exposure. 
     

     

     

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