Men are simple creatures where sex is concerned, their heads are wired differently, and they aren't true to the same values as women. We love love,  and sex is entwined, almost indistinguishable.
Men can separate love and sex.

My man said to me "I didn't think it would matter if I played with a man"

Sometimes they can be so fucking stupid

Elle

With regard to Sonata's post, it's not whether your husband thinks it's cheating for him to bang a guy.  What matters is whether you, Sonata, think it's cheating.  And you think it is cheating (and you're right), so you have to decide whether your relationship with a cheating husband is acceptable to you.

As a card-carrying straight male, I disagree with Ellexoh on her summary of men, that "they aren't true to the same values as women" and are "simple creatures" who can "separate love and sex".  A good straight dude will not see sex as a mere mechanical act -- it's far, far more than that for a normally wired straight dude who is with a straight woman.



 

Goodness!  imo there are just as many narcissistic women as men.  at least.  

Recently I was reading this thing can't remember what it was but it was a support thing for abused women and there was this one lone voice there saying she had been abused by another woman and finally saying if the site could not acknowledge women could be abusive then it was not a safe place for anyone.

Hi Sonata, 

My husband is pretty darn conservative in this thought process. He is often disgusted when he hears of people having affairs. He hasn't cheated. He didn’t want to do that so he asked if I’d be okay with him getting together with one particular old friend a couple times a year for some sort of friendship and sexual exploration. I said no, I can’t be okay with that and he understands completely, but I still at times feel crappy for having been out in the position where I needed to even say no. This friend of his is someone he hasn’t seen in over 30 years and they did mutual masterbation a few times back then and nothing more. My husband saw it as different because of the man (not woman) thing too. Men 🙄.... anyway, I told him if it was a detached penis (maybe a dildo) I’m fine with it. Unfortunately most penises are attached to human beings and I sure as hell don’t want another human being in our relationship. 

Last edited by TangledOil (November 4, 2020 7:39 pm)

Sonata:  My suggestion is that you meet with a lawyer soon (even a 1 hour complimentary or reduced-cost consultation) to understand your options.  Go in with your financial paperwork, debts/assets, tax returns, etc.  Understanding what the "after" picture could look like is often helpful, even if you aren't quite ready yet.