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1 of 1- MsDevistated15
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Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
I am just so HURT.... Although I found out of my husband secret life in November 2015, I have surpressed it all this time. Last Friday is when I blew up. It was our daughters 11th Birthday and the day his Mother died 9 years ago. That is also the day that he picked our kids up an hour late from school. Since then he has not said more than 5 words to me, or even explain his actions. He has barely come home popped in an hour or so. Our kids have been looking all shaking and tonight he didn't come at all and calls to talk to them and they didn't want to be bothered. I just want this to END as fast as possible. I want him out of the house so that I can get my kids on a schedule and not be hopefully to seeing him. The fact that he would do this to THEM discusses me so much, I don't know what to be mad at more.
I'm sorry I've been venting on this site a lot this week. I have never felt so heavy in my chest, like I almost couldn't breathe.
How long did it take for you guys to get divorced? etc
- Judy
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Re: Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
I just don't get why these people are so self absorbed. Mine is as well. They all seem to be oblivious to anyone else i.e. kids, wives. I have a corp with mine and that will prevent of from an immediate divorce but we work from home (me at mine-him at his, he's moved out and we are separated). We only email when necessary. He would have kept me around with the male lover but I said GET OUT when I discovered his secret life. I wanted to live an authentic life with goodness in it and mine has some real bad stuff swirling around in his life. Your kids are young and I can't imagine yours doing what he is. That's intolerable. I am very sorry.
Last edited by Judy (September 30, 2016 5:03 am)
- phoenix
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Re: Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
You are welcome to vent here MsDevistated. Let it out!
You should start doing some research on the divorce laws in your state. Start online. You can also schedule consultations (usually free) with attorneys and grill them with questions for an hour.
One of the things that pulled me out of my misery was being proactive and in control of my situation. I'm the one pressing forward with the divorce process. Feeling in control gives me a great sense of self-worth and satisfaction.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Kel
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Re: Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
This sounds really rough on the kids, and by consequence, you. I'm so sorry. What he's doing isn't right, or fair. I mean, he supposedly loves them, so how can he aid in their suffering? It's unfathomable, and you're well within your rights to be upset and angry and sad.
I think I might try to adjust expectations by not telling the kids in advance that their dad is coming. They're still very young, correct? I think I would just have plenty for them to do now, and even if their dad plans on coming, you don't tell them until you either know he's on his way, or IN the f'ing driveway. No disappointment that way. You can get a few extra things (like toothbrushes and/or shoes) and have them set aside so that they don't need to see you packing up their regular stuff and figure it out. If your ex's behavior changes, then so can the plan. Until then, figure he's out of the kids lives and he has to contact you to make arrangements. It sounds harsh, because all you WANT for the kids is for them to be happy seeing someone they miss. But there is the potential that he's never going to come around, and then the sooner the kids get the grieving process over with, the better. The longer they expect their father to be the person they knew and loved, the longer the process takes.
I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this. 
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- MsDevistated15
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Re: Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
We still live together. I was doing drop off and he was doing pick up.. he's been being late and that in turn has me frazzled.. their only 11 and 8 at different school. I'm thinking of sitting them down this weekend and explaining to them the whole run down. I founf out of his sexuality in November and initially put him out. When me and the kids went to FL on our vacation for xmas (that was preplanned before his exposure) upon our return he was there and begged me to stay. Being he works nights and I worked days, I told him for the kids sake and until i wrap my head around it all, I just let him. We barely had any interaction.
Last night because of his noy being there. My 8 years was crying in her sleep and this morning she was all nervous and jumpy knocked her whole oatmeal over. And was teared eyed in the car to school. My heart seems like its bleeding. I just was to live normal and them to realize its okay
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
MsD,
You remain stoic for those kids. I think your seeing how someone needs to put them first. You be that rock that they need through this storm.
We'll never know how our spouses can harm the children like they do. This is probably the only thing that produces rage and anger in me..she can swear at me and hit me...but rule #1..you don't hurt the kids. Sadly my kids may never realize how much she's hurt them financially and spiritually until later in life.
For now..I hand my kids an umbrella and a shoulder to rant or cry on. They have a Dad..they are entitled to strong fierce love from me..and all rights and privileges that I can give.
She is not.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Shirley
- Unregistered
Re: Funny how quickly one CHANGE...
MsDevistated15 wrote:
.. their only 11 and 8 ..................... My 8 years was crying in her sleep and this morning she was all nervous and jumpy knocked her whole oatmeal over. And was teared eyed in the car to school. My heart seems like its bleeding. I just was to live normal and them to realize its okay
Oh MsDevistated. This resonated so much with me. I am way, way, way down the line from you but my children were exactly the same ages as yours when mine left. My then 8 year old cried constantly for his dad and the 11 year old thought 'I have to be the man of the house now?'
There are two elements to him coming out of the closet, you as the wife and you as the mother. It may be a hell of a journey for you (mine continued the abuse/lies/deceit even after he had left) but rest assured the children will grow up and you will develop the most satisfying relationship with them that you can imagine. Mine let my children down numerous times and they went through hell and all I could do was pick up the pieces. I look on it now that I am glad he left. I've been able to bring my children up with true core values instead of the negative values he could have injected into them
Take heart Ms Devistated, your children will cherish you for your compassion, your love, your fortitude and your courage.