stevo,  your observations are very wise.  You are right that she never shared 100%, despite you having done so.   

I'm so glad you have a therapist and your family backing you.  

It is so brutal to watch them move forward and be excited and giddy about their new life.. while they are simultaneously ruining our lives.  talk about unfair... 

Just give yourself room for the roller-coaster.  You are going to have bad days and terrible days and some ok days as you continue these early days.   As time goes on you'll have more ok days and some good days and fewer bad days..  

You are still in that foggy time period.  The storm clouds are still hanging over your head and you can't see past them.  If you could.. you would see bright sunny days in your future...    If I could have seen how happy I would be today at that time I would have asked for a divorce before I even got confirmation she was a lesbian.  Seriously..  life is so good..  so fulfilling now..  so much better than my prior marriage was.  But I couldn't see it either.. I could only see the destruction of my life as I knew it at that time.  Only the storm clouds.   

stevo..  life gets better my friend..  there are better days ahead.  I know you can't picture them right now, but try to remember on your bad days that life gets much better. 
 

"but men aren't supposed to cry"..  blah blah blah.. 

Crying is healthy.  You are releasing pent up emotion and it makes you feel better.  Keep doing it when you feel the urge. 

You are doing this right.  You're going to be fine as well.  Your son will see your strength as you push through.

Stevo, Phoenix summed it up perfectly.
We have all been there (male to female trans ex-husband issue here), and that stage where you think your life is ruined, you won't be able to live happily again without your husband/wife, etc, is a horrible mood we all experienced.
But give yourself time and you will eventually see.

I think it's pretty normal to believe our kids need a single home and two parents providing a constant connection. We underestimate how perceptive they can be in feeling relationship issues, even if they can't yet describe them properly. We also tend to forget how easily they can roll with change.

Thanks Daryl. That is a good reminder. My son has no idea as to what is going on. Little does he know it, the hugs and wanting to read to me at bedtime has really helped me. I feel in the last 2 weeks that we have really connected with me being home all the time(perhaps the silver lining to my injured fingers).

Thank you Whilligig. I had no idea she was gay, we never had an active sex life, I always thought it was because of the abuse that suffered as a child,we had talked at length about this and i always respected her and gave her the distance when she needed it, this became the norm in our marriage. She told me on July 12 th that she never loved me in the way that I deserved and that she has always been attracted to girls even at an early age. Well if she would have told me that she had an attraction to women before we got married, I would not have married her. She kept that from me! Even though she didn't identify herself as gay back then, she withheld that little nugget of info from me figuring she could deal with it. I don't blame myself at all for any of this as I was a loyal and loving husband who trusted his wife 100%. I like what my therapist once said that sums it up well, Sometimes shit just happens.