Thank you for your words. It is nice to know I am not alone.

Should I assume that majority of people got divorced after finding out the truth? Today I have said to my silent indifferent looking partner to move out for the third time. We are not speaking for a month now. He is silent again. As always. Except that this time I know his silence is comfortable for him. It is not a silence of a worried caring partner. 

I have been watching videos and reading to enlighten myself on the subject. I am tolerant. I do not hate. But cheating is cheating no matter with who. If a partner choses to step on that path and come clean about, I strongly feel they should spare us details of their inner struggle. I am not their mother. Their mother doesn't even know. I would be more comfortable knowing that something went wrong in my marriage and he cheated. End of story! Many youtube videos I've watched all men said how trapped they were, how free they are now. None of them really stressed enough of what it did to another partner. It is an unfair hide and seek game that I never asked to be a part of. Sad. 

I wonder if it is any different having a bisexual wife? Men are men. They are less caring generally (no offence). Wonder if women show more care for men they reveal their stories to? I haven't felt any care whatsoever and every question I had was not answered on this subject. Ever. 

Thanks, Phoenix. I'm sorry your partner was selfish. You might be right about bisexuality. I wouldn't know completely. But the fact that none of my questions were ever answered about the bi part, might be because there is more to it or the selfishness hit the roof in this house. I read it is emotionally worse when you didn't suspect a thing during your marriage. I can relate. I wish there were any hints for me along the way. I've tried to get any details couple of good time. There is a wall. I feel like I should not be knocking anymore. I take it no one cares.

Thank you, Whirligig. That's exactly what I was thinking last night that you are the only people who know my secret. I don't have family or friends close by and I do not have strength enough to tell them anyway. I'm so grateful for any and every word I get in response, even though I wish I didn't need to be here. I've learnt things I didn't know and I keep reading/educating myself. I am doing what's best for me now because for a period of time I was doing what's best for kids. Plus I was attempting to save my family. Thank you!

Fantastic and valuable experiences shared up there in the thread.

I would like to add a little though.
The pain and grief you may call 'consequences' that I believe you have to experience AND show to them.
It is very important to acknowledge and accept your sadness, anger, frustration, and grief in general. Or else, you are really in trouble, I tell you.

Divorce is a good start for most of us because then it gives us the space we need to think clearly and turn to ourselves and be honest. I was sort of forced to "do the right thing" by society because the trans part (in my case) is always going to be the vulnerable one. So I was obliged to remain friends after the divorce and 'respect' them. Even though I a science follower and I would never accept a biological man as a woman, even after the treatments.
My punishment for this behavior was the sh*t called depression. The moment I cut ties with that person and started expressing my anger and disappointment, I started feeling better.

Will be even better, and will be better for you too. Hang in there.

JaneWonders wrote:

Terracota,

how do I show them? They seem to be indifferent! I think I tried showing, speaking, asking. But given that this person could care less about my feelings when "getting me into this marriage" without full information presented gives me quite a strong impression they are ignorant of what we feel. He doesn't get my pain or he doesn't care. We have to be polite, yes, tolerant, acceptable but forgive me, not in such circumstances. I have ton of gay friends and acquaintances. I am never judgemental. 
I feel I have passed several post trauma stages. I went through denial, trauma bonding, rage and disbelief. Now I feel I'm in the acceptance/indifference stage of things I could not have seen or predicted. None of it is my fault and I understand it completely. I cannot run towards divorce just yet. I'm living abroad. I have kids. We have businesses. 

Hi again Jane,
Yes of course they don't acknowledge what you are going through, one of the very first things I noticed with my ex was how incredibly selfish he became after his transitioning started. 
I wanted to show them that I wouldn't go down that smoothly and my way of showing "I am not buying this sh*t" was asking them openly about everything I thought.
I asked them what they were thinking all these years, that didn't he feel bad because he wasted my years and I knew he is not a stupid person. Of course they notice it. 100%
I am trying to tell you that you shouldn't try to make them understand how you feel. That's over already. But are you able to express your own feelings to yourself? That's the important part.
I am not tolerant no, I cut ties with them and stopped being friends and that was how I was honest to myself.
Of course not everyone is the same, you may have a tougher situation there. I didn't have kids, so it was relatively easier for me. Still was not too easy, because I live abroad also and I sacrificed everything to come to him then spent all of my personal savings to start a new life. I could accept staying and living there so I would be secure.

I advise in these situations putting both on sides of the scale.
Which one will hurt you more... That's my point.