Hi. I am new to this world, having discovered a bag full of dildos, scanty underwear and other things hiding in the back of my husband’s car. Originally, having this conversation with him was such a relief but now I find that I am having a hard time every day. We have been together for 25 years and I just didn’t see this coming. I want to make it work but I am struggling.

He has seen a therapist and worked through his own feelings with his sexuality. I found everything out just a few days before covid locked the world down. Oddly enough, the relief made me feel like we can do this. We had not been sexually active for years, something I thought was on me because I was scared after childbirth. Now I find that I want to have sex with him and please him and he says he wants that too but he gets quiet and seems to push back from me. He has only told a few people that he thinks he is bi (I think he is actually gay).

He likes to “entertain himself” using dildos, poppers, etc. I find that I am super resentful of this. He also likes to text with a friend of his and “live out his fantasies.” - So far, he has not actually been with another man.

How do I master my own feelings and emotions, regain the strength and confidence I once had, and move forward?

Thank you. I am very glad to have found this group.