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1 of 1- Parisnw
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I am 98%sure my husband of 20 yrs is on down low
My husband grew up a street guy, hes intimidating, think he can beat the world. Tough! Scary. Narcissistic , has been physical, but cont to be mentally, emotionally abusive. I am ready to leave and scared. This started about 2 yrs ago when something felt strange. He joined a “group” and its men only and he became close with someone. For the 1st time I saw my husband act out of character around this guy. I shrug it off but too many things were happening that had me like “what is going” it cant be. He does not realize he is off his game and showing a different side to him. To make a long story short, he continues to have me a mental wreck!!! If I even think of accusing him of cheating he wants to scare me into leaving subject alone. He has cheated before but never in a million years would I think this. He has changed his appearance, oh he gets fresh! Smelling good to go out with guys. Told me he was going to lunch with “. “ , what? We always ate out together. I have been taking notes. I am so hurt and the point of risking my life. He refuses std testing. He says I must have something. He knows I get checked every year, but that makes it right for him not to? Now our marriage is at a all time low. I know he does not love me and is using me for his cover now. He is disgusting, everytime i see his face or hear his voice my stomach gets quesy. I want out!!!! But I want to live. Please someone close to my story give me some insight. What do I do. I cant let him know I know. But on other hand how dare he walk around here like the man of house and aint shit but an abuser. And lying cheat!
- Abby
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Re: I am 98%sure my husband of 20 yrs is on down low
From what you have written it sounds as though your immediate concern must be your safety. If you are in the U.S. the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help. Their telephone number is 1-800-799-7233 or they can be accessed at
Their counselors will be able to provide information about services for domestic violence survivors near where you are. Whether or not he is on the low down is less important at this point than you finding a safe way to get away from him.
Just be careful not to use a device that he can access to reach out to them or to us.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- SusanneH
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Re: I am 98%sure my husband of 20 yrs is on down low
Yes, please protect yourself. More than anything right now, you need to be safe in every way.
- 38yrsGAMEOVER
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Re: I am 98%sure my husband of 20 yrs is on down low
Now is a time to start documenting! Start gathering any information on his activity! Gather all the financial info you can get your hands on! Take pictures of everything you can find or anything that is questionable!!! Start NOW to arm and protect yourself and your future!