OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

August 7, 2020 9:49 am  #1

together close to 30 years,,,,,now this!

Where do I start.July 12 2020 is the day life as i knew it came to an abrupt end. Married 22 years , wife sits me down and has me read a letter on her tablet. She writes that she is gay and never wanted to hurt anyone,she has never loved me in the way i deserved,has been attracted to girls since childhood but built up walls and tried to be the person she was supposed to be ( very religious parents). realised 2 years ago that she could no longer live the lie as she was slowly dying inside. She tells me that she has never been with a woman , but felt a strong attraction for one woman at one time. I believe her.She tells me that she loves me. I am crushed. She broke my heart. I have been a devoted husband for 22 years and love our 9 year old son to death. I knew something was up.Have not been intimate in 2 years and rarely after our son was born. She was abused sexually as a child , i knew this from the start of our relationship and we dealt with it , i respected her distance when she needed it. I trusted her 100%! always thought it was because of the abuse as a child . We are still together, trying to sort this mess out. Not sure yet what to do as i love her dearly. More to this story but that is it in a nutshell. trying to cope.Not sure where this ends up. Am I wise to ride this out for a bit and let my heart tell my mind what to do? Very sad and confused. Not only is she my wife but also she is my friend and soul mate.....more to come to this story. August 15 2020. We have been talking ,talking and talking more. She tells me every  day she loves me, looks me in the eyes when she     does, never did that before, and so do I. I proclaimed to her the other day that I loved my gay wife! She cried and hugged me. Not sure where this is gonna lead. She has agreed to remain fathfull to me as long as we are married. Deal breaker otherwise. We are living in the present and taking it day by day. Told her yesterday  that I need time ,lots of it to figure out what what  my heart and mind are telling me. She agrees.She revealed to me that she told her therapist that she loves me with her heart mind and soul. Not sure how that works. But I trust and believe what she is telling me. I am very cautious,  my heart is broken and don't want to be too optimistic, as the chances of us staying together are low. One never knows what will happen down the road. I have time to figure this out. That is all I can ask for at this point.

Last edited by stevo (August 15, 2020 6:47 am)

You can hurt me with the truth,but please don't love me with your lies.

Board footera


Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum