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1 of 1- MJM017
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Some days feel kind of bad
Some days I feel great & over the past. I have been studying to return to my former job. Have not been able to do that since 2016. Then the grief hit like a ton of bricks today. I’ve been feeling the pain all day & it hasn’t passed.
I listened to the latest SSN podcast. It wasn’t helpful. I hate feeling stuck & alone. I know we all go through this. Thanks for reading.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Some days feel kind of bad
Sorry you're having a bad day. Haven't you been watching some bio-pics lately of gay singers? Do you think these might have put you in mind of things? I have noticed that I have periods of a few days that are tough for me, and then I somehow figure something out in my head, and I feel better. Sometimes it feels like I'm on a see-saw, and I don't like it. Then I realize this see-saw is better than the roller-coaster I used to be on when living with my ex, and at least I am having insights, rather than being gaslit and confused, which was rather like getting off the roller-coaster and hustled right in to the funhouse, with its hall of warped mirrors.
I wonder if there's some insight you're on the verge of.
- jkpeace
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Re: Some days feel kind of bad
OOHC, I like the notion of a seesaw. That feels less volatile than the violent rollercoaster on which we all start. A seesaw seems easier to manage and less dangerous. Insights sure do feel enlightening. The more insights I have, often brought to light by people on this board, the more empowered I feel. It takes a lot of introspection and self-nurturing to make progress, but it's worth it.
MJM017,
Congratulations on your studies. Pat yourself on the back. Regarding the pain that feels like it won't pass: It will pass, but only with patience, taking one breath at a time, and doing the best you can to do something to take care of yourself...even just a walk, gardening, sitting by a quiet candle. Sitting by a candle takes no energy. I used to sit in the dark and listen to whatever music I needed at the time.
I've mentioned before on here a tip that I was once told: Set a timer for your tears. It worked for me! I would set a timer for about 15 minutes to cry inconsolably; I had to tell myself to stop when the timer went off. A counselor taught me that trick. If I didn't set a timer, I couldn't stop the downward spiral.
A counselor taught me that trick. She likened it to letting a bit of air and pressure out of a balloon...just enough to feel a little less horrible. I used to set an awful lot of timers. It gets better, but I know about the days where it feels like it will never get better. Allow yourself to feel those feelings, and then allow them to pass when it gets to be too much to manage. I hope you get a better day very soon. Keep writing here.
Last edited by jkpeace (August 6, 2020 11:40 pm)
- Zenobia
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Re: Some days feel kind of bad
Congratulations and your studies and so sorry the seesaw (very good metaphor OOHC) has slammed low.
Is there something you can do just for you, a treat of some type to show yourself some extra care?
- MJM017
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Re: Some days feel kind of bad
OOHC, love the see-saw analogy. I tend to think my life is just as bad as it was when living with GIDXH. I froze the daily pain & misery then to survive. I think more of the stuffed feelings are coming to the surface. I feel better today. I received a mask where breathing is easier & walked to the supermarket. It’s beautiful outside today.
jkpeace, that timer idea is a good one. This deep pain TGT brings ishard to take in one sitting. Feeling the feelings was not bringing relief after a few hours, I will start listening to music or look at home decorating a YouTube videos afterwards to bring my mind back to the present.
Zenobia - I bought a fancy chocolate bar at the supermarket today to treat myself.
I hope you all have a great & peaceful weekend! 
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
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