OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to
YazPistachio wrote:
.........I didn't want to be the reason he COULDN'T have sex outside our marriage. I wanted to be the reason he DIDN'T........
I love this sentence
KIA KAHA
- Baffled
- Member
Offline
Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to
The bisexual thing was the lie that my ex used as well; at first. Then I realized I was being sexually assaulted by a gay man who had two motives: manipulation and control. I was being used to hide who he really is from the world. I was being assaulted by someone who was only interested in proving he was normal. The sociopath in him would stop at nothing to protect the ego. The male hookups on the side never stopped; he just got better at hiding them. Infidelity is a choice and if they make that choice you know for certain what little value they put on your relationship. You deserve better, especially in a marriage !
- YazPistachio
- Member
Offline
Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to
.........I didn't want to be the reason he COULDN'T have sex outside our marriage. I wanted to be the reason he DIDN'T........
I love this sentence
It's a paraphrase from a Dan Savage column, one that might actually be relevant to this discussion, so I've linked it below. If all our husbands could have read this letter BEFORE asking to fulfill their fantasies, I bet a lot of heartache could have been avoided. I asked my husband to read it, and it helped him understand my dilemma in ways I could not explain before.
In our case (and I'm certain in most situations like this), the woman is NOT intentionally setting up a trap or a test... we want to believe our partners wouldn't intentionally hurt us, we want to believe we can genuinely be as gracious and generous and tolerant as our husbands are asking us to be, and when we find out just how awful we feel after the fact (a million times worse than we ever anticipated, and we weren't exactly anticipating happy happy joy joy in the first place), we decide that nothing is worth feeling this bad. The fact that something our partner enjoys is hurting us and they STILL want to do it clearly puts our needs and worth and stable marriage far below their fantasy fulfillment.
I think these conversations and understandings need to be clear as a bell long BEFORE anyone even thinks about asking to open their marriage. This is one time where the ounce of prevention is worth several tons of a cure!
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to
Yaz...the Dan Savage article.
It was so poignant, relevant and true....I had tears in my eyes as I read it
KIA KAHA
- Echo
- New member
Offline
Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to
I was just kinda wondering how things wound up with you. My husband just came out as bi to me and I'm totally lost.