OurPath Open Forum
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- LostIdentity
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
Are local groups available even with Covid ?
I am new and would benefit with just a vent session with some locals, even a socially distant one.
"Your value does not decrease based upon someone's inability to see your worth."
- control
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
I attempted last year to email the contact person I was given in hopes to be able to start attending meetings, or meet with other straight spouses. The person never replied.
If anyone here has info regarding meetings in the North Texas area, please.......... let me know!
Thank you
- Rob
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
My heart goes out to anyone going through this during Covid.
The thing that will affect me the most to this day was the hugs I received when going to my first meeting. Physically rejected and deemed worthless by my GX..the sincere hugs from complete strangers made me cry and realize how wrong she was. There was just no hidden or covert agenda in the hugs from these strangers.
I offer, here, a sincere e-hug to those of you going through this. Distant, virtual, but extremely sincere with thoughts of good wishes. You are a better person and worth more than your spouse will ever comprehend.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- phoenix
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
Many face to face meetings are still being conducted, but it's up to the group on how they want to meet. I think a lot of groups are doing zoom meetings during this Covid time period.
control. I'm sorry nobody responded. Let me see if I can find info on the North Texas area for you.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- LostIdentity
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
Control- the one I was give took a while to reply and then the response I got seem like the person wasn't really interested in helping out. It felt strange to write to a strange (without anonymity) and then not get much back.
"Your value does not decrease based upon someone's inability to see your worth."
- control
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
LostIdentity- it did feel strange messaging someone about our situation, but by that point it was worth a shot to connect with someone who might understand!
I am 10+ months after finalization of divorce now. Things are better, but I would very much like to meet with others who may have gone through similar issues (when COVID situation allows). Any information would be greatly appreciated! Dallas area!
- Victo
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
This happened to me too. I was at a particularly low point when I first reached out late last year. I called the support line phone number and left a long, panicked message. I was trying to communicate the stress and urgency in my voice about how I was suffering post TGT disclosure from my GID narcissist wife. I did not hear back at all. I waited about a month or two before I reached out again, this time via email. It took me two or three emails before I heard back. I was finally invited to a meeting that was pretty far away from me - 3+ hrs. I was right in the middle of a major city, so I asked if there was a closer one and was eventually patched through to someone closer - 1 1/2hr away. Perhaps I was just too sensitive or traumatized, but I did not particularly feel much empathy mirrored back from my panic.
This process basically felt like I might as well have been scheduling an oil change at the mechanic.
I was going to start going to those local-ish meetings anyway, but the coronavirus descended on us, and everyone's plans went out the window. I know that the SSN has provided incredible help to its members over the years because when I started listening to the absolutely terrific SSN podcasts, I could hear the gratitude in the voices of those who had been through it. So I know the human resource is real here. Perhaps I just got unlucky with my initial contact and then the timing of COVID. (Story of my life, I guess.)
I still haven't been to a support meeting of any sort, real or virtual. I think it could could be really good for me, and I still have hope. I would really love to attend a zoom version of a SSN group meeting. Since it is zoom, it really doesn't have to be local to me. At this point, I really don't care where it is, but I'd like to talk and listen with others who have been going through TGT from their spouses/ex spouses. I'm ready to dive in and do the work. Sooner is better.
As 'control' said above, "any information would be greatly appreciated!"
Is there a structure to the SSN that is designed to make sure that people don't slip through the cracks? Since the podcasts are getting made, and a web redesign is on its way, it sounds like there is a functioning leadership structure. Can someone with knowledge of how to meet up with a support group please get back to me?
Thank you, in advance, for caring about me too.
EDIT: P.S. I have not typically been very good at reaching out for help. This is one of the reasons I became so isolated and my situation became so disastrous in the first place. Again, thank you to everyone here who cares.
Last edited by Victo (July 24, 2020 7:58 pm)
- Kel
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
Hi everyone. I'm Kelly Hollimon, SSN's Executive Director. I used to hang out here all the time and some of you who have been around for years will recognize me as Kel.
I wanted to address some of the issues you all mentioned in this thread. First off, I truly apologize if any of you contacted SSN for personal support and were met with anything but a stellar response. It's something that we've been working on diligently for a while now, and we continue to make progress. Maybe it'll help to describe the process and what's involved.
Everyone who works for SSN is a volunteer. That includes not only our entire board of directors, but also everyone on our staff, as well as Support Contacts and Group Leaders. They are also all straight spouses themselves. When SSN receives a support request (via online web form or phone), the request is sent to SSN's Triage Group. SSN takes safety and privacy very seriously, and for that reason, every single support request is vetted thoroughly. SSN receives an average of 170 requests per month, and Triage currently consists of only one dedicated volunteer who spends up to four hours per day doing this important work.
Once SSN Triage is satisfied that the newbie is authentic and has reasonable expectations for support, the matching process begins. Most newbies will be matched with a Support Contact - someone who can talk to the newbie on the phone or virtually, in order to give them support from an understanding individual who is knowledgeable on this experience. Some Support Contacts also lead meetings and/or get-togethers, which makes them a Group Leader in addition to being a Support Contact. Because of security issues, a Group Leader may require several conversations or even an in-person meeting with the newbie prior to inviting them to join in an in-person support group meeting or event.
There are plenty of Support Contacts who aren't also Group Leaders. That means they offer support but don't have any in-person support group meetings or get-togethers. In some geographic areas, SSN doesn't even have a current Support Contact. In those cases, newbies will be referred to a remote contact, or are recommended to the Open Forum as an appropriate place to start receiving support. The Open Forum is also always mentioned as an immediate, available resource when the newbie first submits their support request - along with info on our Voices Podcast, recommended reading and other online resources.
Triage strives to contact every newbie back within 48 hours or receiving their support request. We also encourage every one of our Support Contacts to attempt first contact within 48 hours of receiving a new referral. Sometimes things happen - maybe a Support Contact is experiencing a crisis at home, an illness, or is even just overwhelmed with their normal day job or the amount of referrals they've recently received. Sometimes, unfortunately, things slip through the cracks. It's unfortunate, and it's something we strive to NEVER have happen.
We would LOVE to have more Support Contacts! We fish in a very shallow pond though. A Support Contact must be a straight spouse themselves, and ideally be two or more years into their own journey. This is so they have perspective and are not easily triggered or overwhelmed by others straight spouse's stories.
Right now SSN has mostly virtual support groups - due to COVID social distancing recommendations. You can get to these meetings via Triage as well. Additionally, we also have Private and Hidden (aka "secret") Facebook groups that Support Contacts can add newbies into if they feel that it's appropriate. All of these services are ONLY available to individuals who've gone through the SSN Triage process for vetting.
If you would like to put in a support request, (or you've done so before and never heard back) you can do so here: .
If you've already put in a support request in the past but never heard back from Triage, or your attempts to contact the Support Request given to you were futile, please fill out this form so I can hunt down your request and try to give you what you need: . Again, our heartfelt apologies if this has happened to you. We know just how important it is to find help when you need it, and take our work very seriously. We want to do right by you.
If you would like to apply to be an SSN volunteer Support Contact or Group Leader, we'd love that!
We aso have plenty of other opportunities for interested straight spouses to help. Here's a link to current open positions at SSN: . If you have a willingness to help, I will find some way for you to help! I'm sure Phoenix can attest to that! Did you all know that Phoenix volunteers his time here in addition to being on our Board of Directors? We all wear many hats. 
Feel free to ask questions. We're here for you!
Kelly Hollimon
Executive Director
Straight Spouse Network, Inc.
ExecDirector@straightspouse.org
Last edited by Kel (July 27, 2020 2:59 pm)
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
Kel,
I sent both you and Phoenix messages on June 21 saying I would like to be a Volunteer Support Contact, but never heard from either of you. (I contacted you via an email address you'd given me, and Phoenix via his private box here.) I will follow the link that you've kindly supplied. Thanks.
- Kel
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Re: Attend a meeting of your local SSN!
OutofHisCloset wrote:
Kel,
I sent both you and Phoenix messages on June 21 saying I would like to be a Volunteer Support Contact, but never heard from either of you. (I contacted you via an email address you'd given me, and Phoenix via his private box here.) I will follow the link that you've kindly supplied. Thanks.
I'm so sorry to learn this, OoHC! It must have slipped by me. Please use the link in my previous message to the Contact/Leader application form. That one goes directly to the recruiters and they'll look at it right away.
Kind regards,
Kelly
Last edited by Kel (July 27, 2020 5:43 pm)
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.