Dutchman, I don't object either. I've read all your posts and would love to hear  your wife's feelings about things. I admire the way you're working on things, and the way you think.  I've printed some of your posts and read them to my bi husband.

Tabby,

We're also in a MOM. It hasn't been as long as Dutchman, but sure hope we'll get there! D-day was June 1, 2019. I actually found he was 'searching' for men 3/18 (didn't know he'd been doing this since he was in boy scouts and never quit until  2nd D-day Nov 24, 2019, when he added a lot more names). So, we've been going through a lot of hard times since then.  A LOT of LOUD discussions. They aren't as loud anymore (well, we had one last night, but it was the first time in awhile and wasn't about the cheating, but his attitude, which has been harder to get past lately than the cheating), and not as frequent. It's taking honesty, honesty, honesty and lots & lots of talking. My husband is not real happy right now with the 'talking', but it's been rather negative lately.

We also read a lot of books (the first ones were all on aftermath of affairs, not bisexuality, etc). There aren't many out there about successful MOM's. I had to look really hard for that. Found a really good article on it titled " I'm a gay man, happily married to a woman. And I'm not the only one." I wish I knew what the web site was. I think I clicked on a link on one of the threads in the MOM's section....but, don't know where ...sorry.

Best thing I can think of is don't give up easily, as long as he's willing to try, too. It DOES take both of you to make it work.

Best of luck and (((((HUGS)))))).


 

Last edited by SusanneH (June 23, 2020 4:21 pm)

She's brave to 'face' us. Her way of writing sounds insightful, similar to yours. No wonder you've had success. I've been learning from you, and now hope to learn more from her. I've already asked her a question (actually it's from my bi husband.) I've been trying to answer him in the best way I could from reading your posts, but he still can't fathom it, so maybe she can shed some light on it.
thanks.

Last edited by SusanneH (June 26, 2020 3:31 pm)

Hello Dutchman,

Thank you for your posts. I have been reading some of your history with your wife. Your ability to articulate your experience is very helpful.

It is also wonderful to read your wife's post. It is really helpful.

I am having such a hard time trying to understand this situation with my rational mind. I am a college teacher by profession, and it is worrisome that I can't concentrate very well. I have to accept that my feelings are simply overwhelming my mental functioning. I feel on the verge of a mental breakdown some days. I imagine that if I just let go of my mind, I wouldn't have to endure the searing pain of trying to process what is happening. At least, this is how it is on my bad days right now.

I appreciate the role your faith has had in the healing of your marriage. It is not often that people speak openly about this dimension. This aspect of life is very important to me.

Thank you.
 

Hello Dutchman,

No. I don't have another person I feel safe enough with to freely about this situation. This online support network is really been a godsend for me. 

I have been able to speak to my husband a couple of times when I am calm enough to speak rationally. There is so much to sort out. 

Thank you so much for your kindness.

Last edited by tabby (July 14, 2020 12:30 pm)

tabby wrote:

My heart was broken, but perhaps it was broken open.

What a beautiful comment.   

I wish you the best!