Msdevistated,

You are in shock at the moral violation and taboos he broke.

Take time to breath, cry, take your anger out but not on him..you cannot change him...the solution your seeing cannot be found with him.  You need to be calm and stoic for the kids.  Your kids need someone that puts them first and you being cheated on and emotionally abused is not putting them first.  They need an unabused mom..

Start taking small steps..  find a therapist friends,family..start to build your support system.  It takes time so you need to do it all discretely and stoicly as he sleeps around..but don't go near him anymore.

Take time for yourself to gather strength..go to the library,  for a walk.  Move into a seperate part of the house if you can't stand being in the bedroom. 

Baby steps..   I remember crying as I opened my own checking account...it felt wrong and down low but make no mistake my lezex had one already..  we slowly do what needs to be done..it is both moral and right.  Same for the lawyer..I simply met with a couple  discretely on my own time..it is necessary and morally right.

So so sorry your here but please know you do not deserve this.  I look back and think of it as an accident or emergency that one cannot respond to or solve in a quick immediate way.  But we can respond slowly and firmly and morally. 

A sincere ehug. (Virtual but authentic)

Last edited by Rob (September 27, 2016 6:45 am)

Dear Ms- 

I'm so glad you found us!  I found this site and its contributors several years into my recovery after 3+ decades of a GID wife.  It has been wonderfully useful in polishing my recovery to a fully functioning person.  

Your sad (and typical) post will soon blossom with wise and empathetic advice and support. Wait, read, enjoy and learn.  Then, plan and execute your escape and recovery.    

You're now rightly devastated now because your no-good cheater narcissist has worn you down by his years of disrespect and abusive behaviour.  Rebuilding your esteem and strength is essential to ridding yourself of this lying cad and dishonorable dad.  

SSN is my go-to site for support, recovery and understanding.  Another I have increasing respect for in changing people from victims of the gay thing to avenging lionesses is Chump Lady.  She specializes in channeling and developing your righteous anger in an always humorous way.  Moving from victim to self reliant person is essential to rebuildling one's self after years of being duped by cheaters.  http://www.chumplady.com/

Congratulations on starting your journey to the better life and family you deserve. 

Best luck - John



 

Dear Ms. Devistated15,

I know that your head is spinning and you feel like you are in a fog right now.  I completely understand how you feel.  I have been there myself. I am trying to understand your exact question(s). You mentioned that your H has been in court multiple times and you mention an accident attorney.  Are you asking what questions you should be asking his attorney or are you asking what questions you should ask yourself of a divorce attorney at an initial meeting?
 

Last edited by WendiT (September 27, 2016 12:02 pm)

MsDevistated15 wrote:

Please help me to clear my head. Are there any particular questions I can ask an attorney right now or can I just go can I go straight for a divorce. My head is so foggy that I can't think clear.

Dear Ms D,

First take a deep breath, hold it, and let it out.  You can get through this.

RE:  Attorneys

You can do it either way.  You can meet with a Divorce/Family Law Attorney and then get your paperwork together or you can make an appointment and get your paperwork together and bring it with you on your first appointment.  When you make an initial appointment you can also ask the attorneys office what paperwork they would like you to bring. My advice would be to secretly and quietly get copies of all vital records and financials and bring them with you on your first visit.  But if having to accumulate all the documents is overwhelming and going to cause you to postpone the appointment then just go to the appointment. Many attorneys do not charge for an initial consultation.  This gives you an opportunity to get information and advice and then seek out other attorneys if the fit is not right for you.  Also, you do not have to have your mind made up about filing for a divorce in order to seek out information.  But having that information and knowing what your rights and liabilities are may be very helpful in planning to seek a divorce.

Either way the attorney will guide you through the initial interview, so you do not need to necessarily prepare questions for them but if you have specific questions you should write them down and bring them with you.

I hope this answers the question you were asking.