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1 of 1- Ahisma
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He Came Out a Week Ago
8 years of my emotional and mental sacrifice to help someone that I thought was struggling with addiction and insecurity due to a dysfunctional childhood. 8 years of the of prime of life. My flesh and blood to birth his child. My deep unwavering commitment to love him no matter what until death do us part. And he has delivered the single worst devastation to me on a platter presented as an unavoidable tragedy. I say that is complete and utter bullshit. He was never committed. I will never get those years back. I'd rather he was dead because then our future may be gone but atleast I'd have the memories. This is a complete wreckage of past and future.
I have had a week to process and I am still gutted but alt east capable of semi-functioning. My daughter and I will be okay. As a black woman my sacrifice has set me back an immeasurable amount of time and money that I couldn't afford. As a white male, he will bounce back like nothing happened. I am so glad I never gave up my independence completely. That is my one saving grace. I am still employed and I can take care of myself and my daughter.
The rage though. I have so much rage that a person could enter into the most sacred contract of marriage with another and have never really been able to commit. I waited until later in life to get married and have a daughter because I knew I needed to find myself and resolve some inner conflict before committing. He had indicated he made the same choice. What a joke of a human being.
Last edited by Ahisma (July 13, 2020 11:52 am)
- SusanneH
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Re: He Came Out a Week Ago
Ahisma,
Welcome to the place no one ever wanted to be. You have found the right place for support and from others who have been through similar situations and can help guide you, or at least share their experiences with you.
This time is the hardest time for you, I know. The first thing is to take care of yourself, which you sound like you've got a level head and are doing so.
Don't hold in the rage....just let it go! I said/yelled/screamed words I'd never used before after all this started. I was a mess! But, it does get better. I won't say it won't get worse before....it's pretty much a roller coaster. Remember, though, in the end, you'll be all right.
Be sure to ask questions...anything you want. We've been there where you are now.
Take good care of yourself and your daughter.
(((((HUGS)))))
Susanne
- MJM017
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Re: He Came Out a Week Ago
Hi Ahisma,
Ahisma wrote:
8 years of my emotional and mental sacrifice to help someone that I thought was struggling with addiction and insecurity due to a dysfunctional childhood. 8 years of the of prime of life. My flesh and blood to birth his child. My deep unwavering commitment to love him no matter what until death do us part. And he has delivered the single worst devastation to me on a platter presented as an unavoidable tragedy. I say that is complete and utter bullshit. He was never committed. I will never get those years back. I'd rather he was dead because then our future may be gone but atleast I'd have the memories. This is a complete wreckage of past and future.
My late GIDXH reeled me in with a terrible story of childhood sexual abuse from a relative. It became the reason why he became disinterested in sex a year after marriage and sick. I paid for the expensive shrinks, and made many financial and emotional sacrifices for him, too. It was BS in his case. He claimed over time he had five other adults molest him as a kid when I questioned why nothing was improving. One I could believe, but 5?
As a white male, he will bounce back like nothing happened.
Many times it's not true. The conscience may seem to be in deep freeze, but it's not. These spouses cope by self-destruction: addiction to a mind altering substance, gambling, looking for sex in the dangerous part of town. It's mentioned here many times, but often the straight spouse is the glue holding their lives together.
I don't think anyone wishes revenge on anyone. It seems to work that way.
The focus here is on you. Rage and get angry a lot. Practice self-care and pull together a support network of friends, family, counselors, etc. This will help you heal.
Please post as often as you'd like. We have been in the same place you have. We've become stronger, better and wiser.
I
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- TwistingInTheWind
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Re: He Came Out a Week Ago
All men are false, says my mother. They'll tell you sweet, loving lies. The very next night they'll love another. And think nothing of your pain and sorrow. Perhaps they will even glory in your sadness and sorrow. I have felt that. Not good, not what you want - NOT A GOOD THING AT ALL.!
Seek your own truth - it will set you free. Or, at least, as free as any of us ever are. We are born alone and we die alone. Bottom line - how it is.
Best of luck. Take good care of yourself - you are all you have.
- Ahisma
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Re: He Came Out a Week Ago
Thank you all for your empathy and encouragement. I will check out that first aid kit for sure. Love to you all.
- •
Thread Starter- Whirligig
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Re: He Came Out a Week Ago
Welcome Ahisma, and I'm so sorry. The rage can be all consuming. I barely recognized myself some days. And then I'd cycle through grief, pity, love, and back to rage again. It's getting better for me now and I hope it gets better for you too, but it's a process and there's no rush. At some point I am sure you will be happy and healthy and he will still be him. Best type of revenge in my opnion. Post when you need to. We are here to offer what help we can.