ThisTooShallPass wrote:

I think now I've reached the point where it's not about being "in love" and "losing" him, because he's made it really hard these last few months to love him.  I think it's more about losing my identity and the security I've always had.  We married young, and I've never been on my own.  I'm scared of being a single mother.  I'm scared of what this is going to do to my kids.  I'm scared of the stigma of being the ex-wife of a gay man.  I'm scared of being seen as a failure.  I want all this over as fast as possible, but I am so scared to start over.  

I totally understand what you are saying.  This is a complete transformation of your life.  I had similar fears like the stigma of being a divorced male (I feel like everyone judges divorced men as being cheaters).  I was very scared about being a single dad and trying to maintain a household on my own.  How to find child-care if the kids got sick, how to get them to and from without a second person to help out.  What if i got sick, who might drive me home from the hospital..  

I understand that for women there are even more daunting topics like managing finances if you weren't the person who did that before.  How to get a job to support and pay the bills if you were previously a stay-at-home mom.  How to fix things in the house if your spouse was the handyman..  
I have heard from so many other female straight spouses that going through the fear of these things and then finding the power to face them and overcoming and being successful was the most life-changing, empowering, confidence building experience of their life.  They talk about becoming so much stronger and better people afterwards. 

If I could offer you some encouragement I would tell you that you will get through these things that you fear and it will turn you into a superhero woman of strength and courage and you'll find it to be a huge positive experience in your life.