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July 8, 2020 8:47 am  #11


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

Victo,

The pandemic is what it is. I want to meet new people too. I can't chat with my neighbors without a mask and being six feet away from them. It's messing with me for sure.. That seems to be a big part of what you're upset about, I'm guessing. Don't know.

The last pandemic the US experienced was the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918 which lasted until 1920. No vaccines or treatments were available. The disease ran its course.  It may be we have to wait until 2021 until this one runs its course. 


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

July 8, 2020 10:46 am  #12


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

"Before the pandemic, I was doing online dating, but the purpose of meeting people online was to meet in person.  Now that 'in person' is out, I basically have zero desire to meet online.  Online dating without any ability to meet in person is way too much like my marriage.  If there is never to be any physical contact, what is the point?!"

People are cam meeting currently I believe. Having a "coffee date" over cam to see if chemistry is there and then getting to know one another. Nothing wrong with that, this quarantine isn't going to last forever. They'll meet in person when they can. In the meantime they have the ability to talk a great deal and get to know one another. There's not much a cam won't catch vs meeting "in person". Most guys want in person meetings to assure you ARE what your profile pics have displayed. Cams take care of that.

I'd rather meet a guy on cam personally. In person meetings have turned into pressure for me too often. Dude wants to touch me, kiss me, etc. Hard pass.

 

July 8, 2020 11:25 am  #13


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

Victo,

I hear you...this pandemic has put a damper on social interaction. We can all feel it. Meetup the site/app , a popular way to meet people, might not be doing so well now.  I

For me as I went through my divorce and after I found myself lingering and talking to everyone just a bit longer.  This was because everyone was so much nicer and more normal than my GX. In time i went on a dating site because i concluded i deserved to talk to people..there was nothing wrong with me.

During the pandemic.. I would recommend joining a dating site  and  chatting with or getting to know someone online. As you chat with them..can they hold a conversation?  Do they just answer in one word? Do they reply with some opinion or statement giving no information about themselves? Do they expect immediate replies?
While not human in person interaction its still social and you can get to know someone quite a bit talking to them this way.

For myself the decision was not as hard as i thought..i had trust issues like everyone here sure.  But my GX was uniquely broken/hurtful..i realized even if i dated someone and they turned out to be gay and dumped me...they could not possibly hurt me as much as my GX did. She was not normal.

Good luck. Know that there are a lot of straight, normal,people out there..they are worth getting to know.  We are also.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

July 8, 2020 12:49 pm  #14


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

The pandemic can be a time to sort through things mentally as well as physically and decide what you want to do with your life afterwards. You mention losing your career before this hit and are living with our parents now. Are there things you can do during this period to move you towards re-employment and a place of your own? Both will enhance your dating appeal when this is over.

Living with your parents as an adult normally is a flashing red light to potential dates. Right now though it can be seen as a plus because you are protecting them to avoid the risks of going out for groceries etc. Meeting people virtually protects you from the risk of bringing Covid-19 back to them, which also shows that you are a good person.

Social distancing is hard on everyone. I have a significant other and we cannot visit each other because the health risks are too high at our ages. Waiting is hard. Use the virtual dating as a screening process - much less awkward and time consuming than in-person coffee shop first dates. If all goes well you will have met
several whom seem worth a post-Covid get-together.

Stay safe and just try to out-live this.
 


Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
 

July 8, 2020 9:23 pm  #15


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

Victo,
  Boy, do I get it.  You got some decent answers about how to position yourself for when you can actually connect with someone.  But yeah, I get it.  The whole "hands off" "at arm's length" life?  It sucks and how nice it would be to get some hands on.  To get out there and find a woman who appreciates you for being a man.
  But you know what?  As bad as it is feels to you right now, you're young and you will have a chance.  Men find women.  I know of few men who were looking for a woman who didn't find one. Women don't find men so easily, especially women of a certain age.  And many of us are not only "a certain age" but a decade beyond it.  

 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (July 8, 2020 9:33 pm)

 

July 9, 2020 1:00 pm  #16


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

Thank you for your responses.  

Believe me that I understand the 'red flags' of wanting to jump into a relationship too quickly or of living with parents at my age.  I still have my little place in the big city but have not sheltered there precisely because I would be stuck alone.  It is certainly very strange to be living with my parents at the moment.  Not only is it odd to be back at home at my age, but they are senior citizens who run a pair of nursing homes.  It has been an incredibly trying time for them and I have helped teach them how to go online to buy food, etc...  They had never even streamed TV before March, and now they have binged the entirety of Mad Men.  So, yeah.  I have helped them in this regard, and they have helped me by giving me some human contact and support.

As for dating, I am in agreement with Rob. I cannot be hurt the same way anymore.   I am not looking to jump into a long-term relationship.  My goal was to date as widely as possible.  And if I wanted to get physical with someone, I was not going to 'wait for marriage' again.  I cannot imagine committing much to anyone any time soon other than committing to be as respectful as possible until I see evidence I should not be.  I am wise enough now to walk away if I see any of the behaviors my GID narcissist ex had convinced me were normal.  I don't care if I am not the 'nice guy' all the time anymore.  I have learned that women can be incredibly shitty, brutal, narcissistic and demeaning.  So, why on earth should I always take the nice guy high road?  Forget that!!

I am not saying I intend to be selfish, only that I am not going to sacrifice the self anymore. I am not looking to be cruel in any way, of course.  But I will also not put up with manipulation or cruelty.  I don't care HOW it is couched.  

It is my turn.  And yet, the pandemic has taken my turn away.  I am incredibly frustrated.

     Thread Starter
 

July 23, 2020 6:28 pm  #17


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

Hi Victo,
I hear you.  I keep on thinking, well now I get my turn and it’s oh no, no you don’t.  

First you have to get rid of the parasitic husband and then you can and oh no you don’t so my cautionary tale is to say it’s all very well to be all sensible like you’re sounding but what happens when you fall in love, all that good sense goes out the window.  And here’s the kicker – it is that being in love thing that we want to feel.

I give up!

 

July 24, 2020 7:54 pm  #18


Re: How to find hetero love? During a pandemic?

In today's newspaper, they mention to have a sound-only first date. You are not swayed by the person's appearance which has fooled many of us. Victo, if you go this route and you don't mind, let us know how this goes.

Please, any one can date at any age. Do not be so hard on yourselves. We're not items in the produce aisle of the supermarket.  Standing confident with your shoulders back is very attractive to people of the opposite sex.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

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