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September 26, 2016 11:17 am  #11

Re: Indications and ''symptoms''

Dear Butterfly77,

Welcome.  Sometimes the Straight Spouse gets truly hung up on needing to know exactly what the issue is.  But people are messy and life is not so cut and dry and sometimes love does not conquer all.  You may not know exactly what he is or what he is into but you know enough.  

You do know that he is lying, not committed, has SSA, and he is not making any attempt to give you the physical, emotional, and mental love you deserve.  Don't you deserve more?

You are currently separated.  I offer that you try to go "no contact".  I am suggesting this because getting him out of your head may enable you to see your marriage and him more clearly.  It may also allow you time and space to really contemplate what is it that you want for you life and in a relationship.  Give yourself time to stop thinking about his needs, attractions, health problems, and addictions.  Start thinking about you. Once you begin to clearly see what you want your life to be, the answers to what you need to do come quickly.  

Being truly no contact will also enable you to start building your self-esteem back up.  Check out the literature on gas-lighting. Most likely it is the gas-lighting that has made you doubt your own eyes and intuition.  

Good luck.  You may have a lot to tackle, but there is a good life to live after TGT.


Last edited by WendiT (September 26, 2016 12:39 pm)

"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."

November 30, 2016 10:37 am  #12

Re: Indications and ''symptoms''

Hello Butterfly77,
Yes, people come out as true selves when they are drunk, inhibition is gone.  The sad reality with alcohol & drug problems is someone trying to bury an ugly truth. I am new here and am gleaning much insight, I'm glad I found it. Encouragement to for your journey ahead. There are rocks to skip over and boulders to climb, or heck just walk around them, best wishes.


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