Ok.

I'm absolutely sick and tired of seeing people who have accepted that the sun is setting on their marriage try to discourage people who are still focused on making their MOM work.

Stop trying to make us not trust our spouses.

Stop telling us that they probably already cheated if they're coming out.

Stop assuming there's as much lying and manipulation in my story as there might have been in yours.

And please, if you're not pursuing a mixed-orientation marriage, keep your fucking negativity away from this section of the forum.

It's already a struggle at times to keep the paranoia out about potential "what ifs". I have faith in a God that can overcome. I have hope and faith in the love of my wife. And I'm willing to fight for her, putting her needs before my own. My wife is pansexual and autistic. I will rely on God to give us strength, compassion, empathy, and trust needed to make our relationship work. I will work my ass off to continue to love my wife and raise our family. And she is committed to doing the same.

This forum is too filled with people who are angry and pessimistic. And I get it. Lots of people have been hurt. But this can't also be a place where people who are filled with hope come to encourage one another. There's too much negativity here.

If you want someone who will be navigating a monogamous MOM, send me an e-mail at rlrthesecond@yahoo.com. My name is Randy. Anyone who wants encouragement as we go through this together is welcome, and know that you are instantly loved as my brother or sister.

Best of luck to everyone else on this forum.

Feel free to add any other links or resources below. Let me know if you're on this same journey I am.

Some time ago I came across the mixedorientation.com website you mention. And although the author tries to acknowledge a diversity of view points, he's leaning towards some form of open marriage. I notice several times his choice of words are colored by this, even when he tries to be neutral. 

Some examples:

He poses the question: "Is our relationship Monogamous because of core personality types or is it because of societal or religious teachings?"

To me this sounds like an unjustified contrast. It's not one OR the other, why shouldn't both be true!? 
I don't like that kind of tricky formulation that tries to shift one's opinion.

He writes: "Not everyone can separate sex from love, and not every couple can support multiple relationships, but for those who can, there is a whole world of possibilities".

My objection is using the word "can", for it suggests some kind of failure if one "can not".
But for me it's not if "I CAN", but rather if "I WANT". I don't WANT to separate sex from love. No matter what "world of possibilities" would be open otherwise...

He's writing from the viewpoint of a bisexual male in a MOM (fair enough, that's his situation). This is one side of the dice, I don't get the impression the other side is represented enough. 
Next to that, in a MOM where the wife is lesbian or bisexual, the dynamics are different. 

So, not to criticize you on referring to that site, I assume the author does what he thinks is right and several notes he makes are worth reading, but it's still like there are many parts missing.
I also can't loose the feeling of the site's subtle motions to steer towards his point of view and what made him happy realizing that (and the straight spouse tricked into 'believing' it eventually? Maybe I'm a bit to harsh, but I think some might misuse it like this).



I recently found this article
https://www.lifesitenews.com/opinion/its-possible-gays-and-lesbians-can-have-happy-marriages

And with referring to it, I immediately acknowledge the shortcomings of this article also. I wish there were all out good resources... But the whole thing is possibly just too complex and varied to catch.

In this page: https://mixedorientation.com/mompress/challenges-writing-about-mixed-orientation-marriages/
The author of your link, describes some of his problems writing about the subject. 

He ends with:
"The reason I have written what I have with all these challenges writing about mixed-orientation marriages is the lack of a positive role model and all the negative voices made me sad. When I came out I was so desperate for an example of How a Mixed-orientation marriage could work. My own personal solution exceeded my wildest dreams".

We came to a different (very monogamous) solution, but with the same conclusion  
But his observations are very true. When I was confronted with our situation, I experienced the same lack of positive role models. It's also the reason my wife and I decided to speak up and write about our trials and tribulations in a (monogamous) MOM. I hope more people will find the courage to write about their successful MOM. Even when it's much easier to keep it to oneself. After all when all is well, why come out and risk possible criticism or slander? (which can come from all sides).
In society homosexuality is not a neutral subject, it's not just something you privately deal with. It's also an ideology with proponents for and against, with religion and politics involved. Everybody has an opinion about the subject. The influence of political correctness. There is a lot of pressure from the outside to write, think and feel what is expected from you.

Immune to this all? I don't think so. It demands a lot of Independent thinking and stubbornness to find your own way. Not only for the straight spouse, but also (and maybe extra so) for the homosexual spouse.

Last edited by Dutchman (January 30, 2020 1:30 pm)

SusanneH wrote:

Thank you each that posted them for the links. I've been looking for positive articles about MOM and have been terribly unsuccessful.
Just found this site yesterday, so still have a lot to look at & will post my story, etc.
thanks again!

I think many who are in successful MOMs aren’t posting on sites like this. They are just living their lives.  

http://thebibleindrag.blogspot.com/p/mixed-orientation-marriages.html

This was a wonderful read. Thank you for linking it.