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1 of 1- MJM017
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Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
I felt ready to do a deep dive yesterday and found one of his Twitter accounts. He was flirting with a person (I hope your feet are big - what size shoe do you have? and stuff like that) . This person had a female name, but looked like a big framed old man, with long gray hair cut in a female style, no makeup, unattractive female clothing - very plain and severe looking. Guessing some hormones but no operation. Kind of like an angry, elderly nun from the 1950s.
10 years ago I had long-term problems with my car tires. The person who helped us at Sears (out of business so safe to say the place) throughout was a MTF. Older, tall and big framed, no makeup, Same as above. My husband loved talking with them.
We lived in one of the urban gay meccas of the US. I was used to seeing very feminine, full makeup, MTF. I asked my husband if this guy lost a bet and had to wear a wig and a dumpy dress for a day. He told me he was probably transitioning. He didn't have his operation yet or couldn't afford it due to his low paying job. I remember this clearly because GIDXH was empathetic - a switch from his usual homophobic, ridiculing rants.
I guess this was his type.
The twitter flirts made me feel repulsed and deeply pained. It's hard to go through another round of mourning but am glad I found this. It's another step towards getting over this garbage.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
MJM017 wrote:
I felt ready to do a deep dive yesterday and found one of his Twitter accounts..... It's another step towards getting over this garbage.
MJ......it reads like you've been waiting til you know you're ready to do this....delve into the past. Because you wanted clarity? And will you be able to finally let it go without diving into his past again? Did you cry, feel sad or did you just feel nothing?
Even though my partner is still alive & we'll still together I find myself remembering and going back to those moments in the past that I thought were signposts of the personality of the man I fell in love with, quirks I thought he had and events that happened that now have a darker meaning.
Elle
KIA KAHA
- MJM017
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
Hi Elle, I feel like I have a lot more baggage than others here. I've been slowly sifting through the other disturbing things which weren't gay-oriented. Each have been very painful. I am grateful to be strong enough to look at this last piece.
I have learned my lesson on what to look for, accept or reject with friends. I'm grateful. I am happy and look forward to today and the future.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
Hi Elle, I feel like I have a lot more baggage than others here. I've been slowly sifting through the other disturbing things which weren't gay-oriented. Each have been very painful. I am grateful to be strong enough to look at this last piece.........
Do you have anybody to share your discoveries with, and the wrench it must no doubt be?
If not I wish I could be there....xx
KIA KAHA
- MJM017
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
I actually have before quarantine.Am feeling better today which is good.
We lived together in San Francisco, where I still live. Who in the heck stays in the closet in San Francisco??? His parents were on the East Coast and he had no fear of them.He was no shy guy for sure.
I lived in a neighborhood bordering the Castro when we first started dating. I hate to think what man or club in the Castro he went to after he gave me a ride back to my apartment after a date. Ewww!
I believe he was looking for a gay sugar daddy. It didn't work, so he went looking for females to fill the role.
Last edited by MJM017 (June 16, 2020 6:48 pm)
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
MJM017...I admire your courage and strength now.. I am not going to go back..I know what I will find, just bad stuff. I struggle now, because she was so cruel and horrible in the end, to remember the good times we had. I hope you find some closure and processing and move on... we should only have to go through this once.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- OneDayAtATime
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
Wow MJM, I’m sorry but I’m glad you found the proof you were looking for.
You’re only a few hours from me... makes me want to drive over and chat! My gidh would love to be able to just snap his fingers and turn into a woman if he could. He’s had so much anger at me over the years because I “get” to be a woman. But being HiS woman is no treat.
Thai whole time, has this been the first proof you’ve had of your late ex’s sexuality?
- walkbymyself
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
Who in the heck stays in the closet in San Francisco??? His parents were on the East Coast and he had no fear of them.
This is so familiar; my husband's parents would have easily accepted a gay son. My husband's uncle had been one of the early gay activists in San Francisco; among other things he'd founded an American Legion post for gay WWII vets. He's buried next to Harvey Milk. I asked myself the same question, why on earth live this secret double life? Then, I came across some of his text messages from a time after I'd confronted him, but before I'd filed for divorce. I'd left him alone and gone to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter, and when I returned I saw that he'd gone to Palm Springs for the weekend, with a guy he was seeing. So the two of them were discussing how the guy should lie to his own boyfriend, and at the same time I can see in another text chain, my husband is trying to arrange a hook-up with someone else in Palm Springs. And the guy he's trying to hook up with asks him whether he's "with someone who would be upset if he knew we were together" and my husband responded "yes".
So if you're keeping track: my husband is cheating on me with his boyfriend, his boyfriend is cheating on his own boyfriend with my husband, and my husband is trying to cheat on the boyfriend with this other guy.
After I saw that, it came to me that maybe for my husband, the part he was so addicted to was actually the cheating. He liked the thrill of an illicit life. i'm not saying that's the case with your dead ex, but it's a possibility: this is exactly how they want their life to play out.
- MJM017
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Re: Found Proof Online About My Dead Ex's Sexual Preference
Wow MJM, I’m sorry but I’m glad you found the proof you were looking for.
Thai whole time, has this been the first proof you’ve had of your late ex’s sexuality?
Hi OneDay, I read a post he made on FB about a great time he had with a teenage boy. I questioned him. He denied and the post was gone. So, not really.
admire your courage and strength now.. I am not going to go back..I know what I will find, just bad stuff.
Thanks, Rob. . Was not my wish to see it happen, but it helps that he's passed. You and others who co-parent have a lot of strength to see GXs regularly, but go on for the sake of the kids..
After I saw that, it came to me that maybe for my husband, the part he was so addicted to was actually the cheating. He liked the thrill of an illicit life. i'm not saying that's the case with your dead ex, but it's a possibility: this is exactly how they want their life to play out.
Hi walk, Thanks for pointing that out. He made a statement early on in our relationship he found gays' promiscuous lifestyle disgusting. You may know MTF trans and gay male prostitutes hang out on lower Polk Street. He bashed them, but fooled me into walking on lower Polk once looking for a restaurant he couldn't find. Like an area which sells women, it was just as sickening.
Last edited by MJM017 (June 20, 2020 7:08 pm)
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
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