As a Straight Woman I can tell you that I never check out women.  I check out other's women's:

manicures
haircuts
makeup
clothes
shoes
jewelry
cars
(and maybe I sneak a peak at their men)

But I never ever check them out.

Recently I met an female olympian who had an amazing, absolutely stunning, physique and yes, I can say her body rocked.  But I was looking at it not in a sexual way, but an oh my gosh I will never have a body that looks like that kind of way. On the other hand, I saw another male athlete running down the street who had an amazing body and I was looking at him with both admiration and with lust.

Straight women look at other women and compare.  They don't look at women and get turned on.  

Hope this helps.

As for your gut feelings, trust them.

P.S. - Wendy's right.  The only women's bodies that I EVER look at are the same ones that might turn a man's head - truly beautiful or even slutty.  And it's more for admiration (for the beautiful ones - admiring her hair and trying to figure out how I might be able to make mine to something similar), or with incredulousness - HOW can she be wearing that in public - has she no decency???  Other than that, I'm only checking out her clothing, or nails, makeup, etc - as Wendy's said.  My body posture definitely doesn't change.  And if it's obvious that I'm staring at her, I'll probably make note of it to whomever I'm with - if that's appropriate.  "Did you see how beautiful that woman was???  Jeez, she could be a movie star!"  I'll often say something directly to the woman herself, if it's a compliment.  "I love that shirt/shoes/nail polish color!  Where did you get it?"  Or even "You have such beautiful eyes - do you get told that all the time?" (the answer is always yes.)

Straight women don't stare at other women with lust.  Even the women that other men do.  If we think Jennifer Aniston is beautiful, that's all we think.  It doesn't turn us on.  We may scrutinize to see what exactly it is that makes her so beautiful, but it's more because we want to steal her secret!

Kel

Steen, 

You don't want to hear this..  but I see many similarities in your story to my own experience with my soon to be ex.  In fact, reading your post brought back quite a few painful memories for me. 

Again, I hate to say it.. but you should be worried.  
My wife would come home with a higher sex drive often after being with her "friends".  In fact she had sex with me much more often in the few months before she finally snapped and admitted she was a lesbian.  I think she was trying to convince me otherwise and keep me happy so that I wouldn't wonder about it. The more accurate description is that she would let me have sex with her more often.  But there was no passion from her, she would barely even give me a peck on the lips.  
She would try very hard to conceal her looks at other women.  She lied to me constantly about her friendship with her new work friend until i snooped on her and found a discussion on her IM's where she was gloating about how much she enjoyed the oral sex they had just had the prior evening.  She would constantly give me guilt trips about my fears about her friendship with this woman.  

For your sake i really hope I'm wrong about this.  But my gut tells me that your wife is a lesbian at the core, but not ready to come out.  My wife just turned 40 when she finally worked up the courage to admit this to me and change her lifestyle.  A big part of what kept her in the closet so long was her religious upbringing and beliefs.  Chances are your wife is not ready to accept the label of being a lesbian.  She doesn't want the world to see her that way.  She doesn't want her family or coworkers or friends to know her secret.  She will struggle with this for a while longer, but most likely she will eventually stop fighting it and accept it.  

I hope I'm wrong. 

If I were you, I would keep prodding her.  Tell her that it's ok if she is a lesbian.  Tell her that she owes you the truth.  Tell her that you would rather know now than in five years.  She owes you the truth!!!!

I don't mean to be the odd man out here but my ex showed very little interest in sex prior to her coming out.
I will say that if your gut is telling you something is not right then that is worth checking out.

Hi everybody,
I am overwhelmed by your responses, and thanks for your kind words of compassion.
 
First, you all post relevant, well thought comments.
 
WendiT
All women I have known resembles the way of thinking and behavior you describe.
Thanks, I needed some input on this. I have a few times also noticed how women on TV often can turn her head, instant response, like a man does…. ;-)
 
A couple times she has discussed body features, like breasts etc. In an innocent manner, but still, my notion is that she enjoys the topic. Again, innocent, but gut feeling growing.
 
And this attraction thing, correlates with who she likes. So who is her "type", is the woman she will seek to communicate well with. And from what I have noticed, these women are rarely the very feminine, 110% seemingly hetero women.
 
And some of these women she likes , return her gaze. When this happens, I feel she forgets I am there, excitement takes over.
 
Kel
Thanks, for your response,
Yes, like in my response to WendiT, I am almost surprised myself of how much I have experienced and noticed, and questioned to myself.
 
So many details, and the more unsure I get, the more details I seek to collect, trying for that moment of absolute conviction. You ask if I feel happy. I would say yes, we have a good life.
But you hit the nail, and so very precisely.
 
I have thought the things you mention, and what I want most is truth.
 
I have told her how I feel, but I think, whatever I say, it will be a problem.
That is what scares me, since she act as in phase of strong denial, this appears to me as deeply rooted in her. I have told her I am open to hear how she feels, and we'll take it from there.
 
CES
I think you are right, I think she has experienced such a peak. And my view is that this stirred up desires she has put away for years.
 
Thanks, yes, for your word of caution. Agree, but I think of myself as matured as well. I am actually quite relaxed about the jealousy part, like if she would flirt openly with someone she liked, and told me. And the latter is the very difference. When this first appeared, she was very intense in her observations, like her body took control. Then after, I was really worried when she said she could not understand at all what I meant..
 
When she tells me this desire, I feel different about this than I would earlier in life. But, as mentioned, it sounds like she is trying to convince me..
 
So, the secrecy part has left me thinking about a lot, her strict upbringing, older relatives in her family, living their whole life "unmarried", her trip to visit a friend living in San Francisco many years back, her lack of female friends, how she never comments on a man being handsome etc..
 
Lostdad
" I think she was trying to convince me otherwise and keep me happy so that I wouldn't wonder about it. The more accurate description is that she would let me have sex with her more often.  But there was no passion from her, she would barely even give me a peck on the lips.  "
 
This is almost exactly how I feel. Feeling I am good at giving her pleasure and attention, I feel she enjoys sex. But, she meets my eyes significantly less than earlier years, when sex was more rare and less pleasure.
 
And yes, I think you can be much right. Just the term lesbian scares her. " She doesn't want the world to see her that way" Yes. Being gay was not an option in her home. Still, in retrospect I have questions regarding her parents true desires and happiness… Keeping up appearances was key. And my wife is not the kind of person to willingly go into the storm, fighting to rearranging her life, deal with possible embarrassment, guilt, focus on her person, maybe feeling she has hold me in a lie….
 
I have told her I am open to hear her desires, feelings etc. So many years together, too valuable to easily fear such desires and changes without trying to find "a good way"... This meaning, I would rather have her disclose this now, instead of later, of course, and rather now than in a situation where a possible romance with a woman is present and then may be the reason to leave the closet.
 
Rob,
I agree, I feel I do, and when she acts this way, I can sense it to my bone.
 
Laurence and whatasham24
I'm not sure how to snoop and check out more. Have tried some approaches, and she seems "clean".
She keeps her phone code and her imac login to herself ("because of the kids").
 
Any suggestions, valued from experience..?
  
Thanks again, all of you, I value it so very much. I will read them all again.
Any more thoughts, I am all ears.