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  •  » "It's too late"

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    February 28, 2020 1:19 am  #21

    Ellexoh_nz
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    Re: "It's too late"

    MJM017 wrote:

    .....If you already haven’t listened, the podcasts here on SSN have helped me to cope/feel less alone....... 🤩♥️

    I've listened to the Podcasts for over a year now. They are invaluable as an insight into how the Mindfuck is seen, tackled and got through by so many
     

    KIA KAHA                       
     

    February 29, 2020 1:24 pm  #22

    Ellexoh_nz
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    Re: "It's too late"

    Well my son has come down to visit and to see how I am. We spent a day just talking, and I've decided to go back with him for a few days...time away. My son had the chance to spend a night at the apartment but said he felt too awkward. 
    I daydreampt that the man who ruined any chance of having a wonderful retirement would have moved out by the time I came back....but I don't think he has the balls to do it

    KIA KAHA                       
       •Thread Starter
     

    March 16, 2020 7:32 pm  #23

    Ellexoh_nz
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    Re: "It's too late"

    A couple years ago (maybe even 1 year) I read some articles, and discussions on the Forum about Fogiveness. The word needs a capital 'F'...it's a deep, wide and long concept that is personalised by each person who tackles it. Back then I was like.....me? forgive?....nuh-uh, no way. How does anybody do that?!

    Removing myself emotionally (partially) & sexually (totally) from the r'ship has allowed me to see it in a completely different light and I can sense the possibility of forgiving this man who destroyed my future with him, because now those ties are gone there's no need for me not to forgive him. And the thought of moving into the next phase of my life with no bitterness....wow!

    In saying that....I'm not there yet. I'm still living one side of this r'ship with a man who won't talk about IT unless I bring it up. But.....I no longer need to talk about fixing us anymore.....and he's silent anyway

    KIA KAHA                       
       •Thread Starter
     

    March 18, 2020 1:56 pm  #24

    MJM017
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    Re: "It's too late"

    Forgiveness is an issue with TGT that I struggled with for a long time.  I wanted to be over the horror of this mess AND forgiveness sounded promising.  Like you Ellexoh I couldn’t do it.  My psychopathic GIDXH screwed me over royally. What kind of human being does this to another?

    It took a few years after his death to forgive him. I was tired of thinking about him constantly. It was overwhelming. I moved on to some fun hobbies. Am still angry at the injustice he perpetrated. I limit it to an hour the days the anger comes.

    If he was alive, I would never speak to him again. Forgiveness doesn’t equal trust.

    Those of you who still live together or share custody, you have my sympathy.  The ones who are toxic don’t seem to change for the better.

    No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
     

    April 7, 2020 11:43 pm  #25

    seekinganewlife
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    Re: "It's too late"

     >> After all, I'm 63 and my first date with him was my 30th birthday....

     >> I'm old, flabby, and unfuckable.

    Or maybe you’re a gilf, i.e., grandma I’d like to ....

    I got involved with my ex back in the ’90s. I had no clue about online dating. When I tried it, I was shocked. I’d assumed I was fat, middle-aged, and no one would want me. Turns out I’m a bbw (big beautiful woman).Who knew? I soon got overwhelmed with attention from horny men. I wound up glad I’m not more conventionally attractive. It’d be like sorting out grains of sand on a beach.

    i have no idea whether you’d have a similar experience. I’m just saying, the world is different now.


     

     

    April 8, 2020 3:06 pm  #26

    Ellexoh_nz
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    Re: "It's too late"

    seekinganewlife wrote:

     Welcome to our Forum Seeking  
    >> After all, I'm 63 and my first date with him was my 30th birthday....I was 27 when I met my partner. I'm now 61

     >> I'm old, flabby, and unfuckable....Omg....sex is so 'off the table' that it's fallen down a crevasse. Never to be seen, thought of, or desired again

    Or maybe you’re a gilf, i.e., grandma I’d like to ....We had an adventurous 4 year open r'ship....til I discovered we weren't doing it for us, we were doing it for him. I thank my self-awareness I was able to see it before it destroyed me 

    I got involved with my ex back in the ’90s. I had no clue about online dating. When I tried it, I was shocked. I’d assumed I was fat, middle-aged, and no one would want me. Turns out I’m a bbw (big beautiful woman).Who knew? I soon got overwhelmed with attention from horny men. I wound up glad I’m not more conventionally attractive. It’d be like sorting out grains of sand on a beach.....These online sex sites are run by people with a different moral compass, using a language a language of enticement (BBW) to make women feel wanted. But even men get duped on these sites. My partner once was asked, online, by a (supposedly) 19 yo women to "write me a story and turn me on"  The story he sent her made me feel uneasy & sick. I said to him "that 19 yo is probably a man" He said "that's not the point" 
    This is one of the defining memorable moments in my realisation that my r'ship was not what I thought

    i have no idea whether you’d have a similar experience. I’m just saying, the world is different now....Damn right it's different Seeking. And we're all approaching it differently

    Elle
     

    KIA KAHA                       
       •Thread Starter
     

    April 8, 2020 3:41 pm  #27

    MJM017
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    Re: "It's too late"

     >> After all, I'm 63 and my first date with him was my 30th birthday....

     >> I'm old, flabby, and unfuckable.
     

    Un-effable? Never, for anyone! Am in a big city with a good proportion of straight, single men. I’ve been approached by men in their 30s - early 80s to talk & flirt. I’m in my mid 50s. Not entirely healed & not ready yet.

    I’m more concerned with being effed with, tbh. I have had a bad habit of over sharing with new friends & did this with my late GIDXH.  For those like him with psychopath-esque  behavior, getting intimate details gives them the ability to love bomb you. My xh & I were friends for 6 months before we started dating. I told him everything. I also believed in fate, destiny, love at first sight. I was 28 then & should have known better.

    Abby gave a lot of great suggestions to protect yourself while dating.  I’d add googling the person’s name and town where they live. There is a lot one can find out about a person this way. Google yourself & you’ll see.






     

    No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
     

     

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