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1 of 1- Carmen San Denial
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Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
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Last edited by Carmen San Denial (March 4, 2020 7:26 am)
- lily
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Re: Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
The thing I understood about my gay in denial ex was that he loved his closet. No honestly it is just imprinted into him, it would be like telling a hermit crab to do without his shell. and like a hermit crab, he cannot share his shell either.
So that makes me think if your partner is anything like mine was, if you leave him he will simply replace you with a new life.
So I agree with you when you question is it good to sacrifice your happiness. no one should have to do that. and just like to add I think you have done very well to face it up so strongly, give yourself a hug and all the respect and caring you deserve.
wishing you all the best, Lily
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
CSD,
Sorry for the pain you're going through.
You're near the beginning of a long process that will require you to shift your empathy from your cheating, in-denial spouse to yourself. That he manipulated you into sex means the extra difficulty of severing the resulting trauma bond.
It sounds, however, as if you are already beginning to understand the most salient fact: you are his cover, and he will sacrifice you and your well being to protect his closet. Please be aware that any promises he makes you are in service to protecting his closet and maintaining his cover, and not sincere protestations of caring for your well being or of love. You already see that despite the sacrifices you have been willing "to be there for him," he is not willing to do one thing for you. This is an important truth that you may need to repeat to yourself when your doubts start creeping in or he ups his efforts to resecure you.
- JenS
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Re: Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
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Last edited by JenS (March 10, 2020 4:48 am)
- MJM017
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Re: Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
OutofHisCloset wrote:
CSD,
It sounds, however, as if you are already beginning to understand the most salient fact: you are his cover, and he will sacrifice you and your well being to protect his closet. Please be aware that any promises he makes you are in service to protecting his closet and maintaining his cover, and not sincere protestations of caring for your well being or of love. You already see that despite the sacrifices you have been willing "to be there for him," he is not willing to do one thing for you. This is an important truth that you may need to repeat to yourself when your doubts start creeping in or he ups his efforts to resecure you.
This was my marriage to a T. He was friendly and I was a convenient cover. That’s all I was. I gave this gaslighter the best care & love. He duped me.
I did the same as OOHC to push myself to leave. I had to tell myself he was gay and a liar. I wrote it down to remind myself. I didn’t want to return in a moment of weakness.
The day my divorce was final was one of the happier days of my life.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- JoeC
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Re: Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
What is with the deleted post?
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Is it all a lie or is it extreme denial? What do I do?
JoeC
Sometimes people reconsider what they've written (difficult divorce negotiations, thinking better of what one has said, etc) or are leaving the SSN Forum entirely and wish to delete their posts.