I am the only man I know who built a life with a woman who loved me until she didn’t. Divorce is something I have never been around or ever dreamed of.
The deceit is thicker than fog on a cool lake come early morning. I am just praying God will grant me the grace to survive. 

Wife has not given me any answers other than I am not in love with you anymore. Well, my soul has been ripped out of my body since Feb 26 asking for divorce on simple grounds of not being in love.
She is surrounded by other divorced hags in a toxic social circle who sucked their men for all their worth. You all know the routine. I spotted it and in the back of my head knew she was bored and lazy, sitting home the past 10 years being a mother. Asking for years for her to work, she refused stating the kids needed her full time, but the reality was the past 4 years easily could have been back working part time. I had resources to take care of the kids as well so she could begin her working days again.
We all know the women with too much time on their hands granted by hard working husbands who tried to do the American Dream. That’s where I should have nipped it early on before kids as her attitude, her laziness, lack of ambition, but she loved me then, she was always into me and took great care of me while sick for years with a version of Lyme that left me almost unable to function for 6 years as I plowed through work ever day. 

College sweethearts , a woman who was so enamored with our life together for the first 13 years with no children. It was the most beautiful time and one of the most difficult as well. She had 7 jobs over that time span, I had one.
She had a disjointed family life where acceptance of her choices in life were always questioned. Always looking for approval. Should have seen this coming like a Freightliner on a open highway. 

Our sexual intimacy was fantastic through our 20’s and 30’s. Until kids came, it was a real connection. No disjointed moments, nothing that would point to her alleged female to female attraction. Heck even had an adult channel for 13 yrs on the TV. She never once stated she like girl/girl when we talked about stuff actually said she didn’t. After kids was a struggle, tired , worn out , too much work. We found a way the past 7 years but it’s been ok even up until a few weeks ago. She gave up a bit on herself, got fat and lazy. I gave her everything I could  as I thought. Love her regardless and unfortunately still do. Even through all of this shit.

It’s like god damn fucking switch went off in the past 8 weeks. I am living with a cold hearted lying piece of shit. 
Bled my heart out to her to no avail. She wouldn’t go to counseling she wouldn’t go to church to revisit marriage therapy. You all know why, because I just found out she came out to our pastor in a hidden text. Apparently all her friends and some family know as of last week. But , nope, she is not telling me, she has not explained to the kids.
just sleeping on the couch and stating she will be seeing a lawyer for mediation. You don’t come clean to the unconditional love of your life? Who is to say I wouldn’t have worked something out? Idiot. 
Also very sloppy about her current infidelity. She thinks because she stated she wanted a divorce she is free to go fuck another woman. Sure she can, but it will hurt her chance at alimony. Child support & custody issues aside, the whole mess that my life has become in such a short amount of time is squarely a projection of her shutting me out and throwing away the key. I don’t deserve to know? I am the bad person here? What the ever living fuck is this? 

To a man, supporting, loving and rejoicing in a life well built with the love of your life is one of the most satisfactory experiences anyone will ever feel. She doesn’t get it. Where is the compassion for ending a marriage while cold face lying? It sets the precedent forward. Her father did the same exact thing to her mother 10 years ago as he cheated on her repeatedly with other women. She tells me the guilt she will carry will be enough for her to feel like shit the rest of her life. 

I am not ready for any of this shit. None of it. I don’t care if she is bi or gay. Good. Go be it. For goodness sake she should of said she wanted to experiment ! She lied and is still lying, it’s time to put a end to that and with proof and legal help, I certainly hope too. The problem I have in this mess I am left to deal with. Losing my home maybe, half of everything I own for nothing I did or nothing I ever wanted. She just set my life back 20 years and I don’t have that luxury to rebuild.
The children will come first, but she will be a manipulative son of bitch I am sure, so a healthy agreement will be in order. 

Enough for today, I see a lawyer this week. I pray to God that he will grant me the strength to move forward and bring love back into my life at some point. It’s going to be a long road , a road that I did not choose.