lily, I told her I wanted to sleep separately, stop all sex and physical touching, plus no more calls or texts during the day. I am sick of being a fool and being manipulated. See, I have an intense craving for physical intimacy. This is great when you are with someone who loves you as much and loves the intimacy. However, I realize now that my desire for sex and closeness has been muddying my thoughts and strength to see what she has done to me and what she will very likely do later. I am sure there are many more revelations to come. I need to start coming off the drug that is intimacy with her.

I hate my life now. I hate it to the core. I really genuinely wish I were dead. I especially wish I had died last February, before the first real D-day. Better still, I wish the decision I had always absolutely believed was the best decision of my life, marrying her, had not been made. I am a shell. I am without. I wanted to grow old with her and be together forever. Now, I know she won't be satisfied with me and never was. I am living my worst nightmare. Truly, this is a nightmare come alive. My life is like a desperate hell and I want out.

UserNada wrote:

lily, I told her I wanted to sleep separately, stop all sex and physical touching, plus no more calls or texts during the day..........

 

Nada....After trying to make it work, or rather getting to a place where I thought it might work, and finally admitting to myself it never would.....I said no to sex, touching, kissing (it's been over a month now). Best decision I've made in ages It gives me space to think without 
feeling I owe it to our r'ship.....to have sex. He no doubt thinks it's petulant/vindictive. 
I know it's personal survival

The man I still live with has a new phone. I don't call it, text it....I don't even have his name next to the number.
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (February 28, 2020 10:30 pm)

Thanks for the support. The lies have overwhelmed the sexuality issue at this point. I feel more threatened and less safe being married to a liar than I am threatened and feel less safe being married to a bisexual (or even a lesbian, for that matter!). I would pick an honest bisexual wife over a lying hetero one any day. My wife and I have had DOZENS of "honest" talks about this. She told me today of yet 2 more lies she had been maintaining (one of which had been said hundreds of times by her and was the topic of numerous gas lighting retorts when I would get it wrong) and were repeated as recently as last night! So, now, she has told me how very sorry for all the lies, how she is finally REALLY coming clean now. I want to believe her, but cannot. I am leaving tomorrow morning to stay with my father for a week. I would stay longer, but I have little kids here and even being gone for 5 days is very hard. I can't believe my life has come to this on the one front I felt confident about - my marriage.

Last edited by UserNada (March 1, 2020 10:53 pm)