Thoughts for today. You dont realize the importance of having someone to share joy with or to vent to about your problems until you do not have a supportive partner in your life. I do not think that my "husband" was ever really a true support system. I think he spent a lot of energy in playing that role or pretending to be interested in the things I was interested in or being a sounding board about my issues I may be having with work or life in general but I dont think he actually truly cared but he played his role well. Now, it is like sometimes I am so desperate for that person that I will vent to him or talk about things to him but then start to realize that the role he played and the pretending he did he no longer engages in so it is quite obvious he has no interest in anything that I do in my life or issues that I have going on so at the end of my conversation I feel worse than I did before but still continue to here and there engage in conversation. Maybe to fill silence. Maybe to pretend to be normal. But, never do I walk away feeling better than when I started. So, why do I continue to subject myself to that? 

Why does everything seem to happen at once or maybe it is just because you are more sensitive to things happening when you are in a state of crisis all the time? I have spoken about my charity work before in here for veterans. Well, I made a hard choice to walk away from that particular charity because the president fell off his wagon and started using drugs again and was berading myself and others in his state of highness he was in and I just have so much going on in my own life I felt like I couldnt handle more emotional abuse than I deal with on a daily basis at home. I, due to my abiliies, was asked to help start from the ground up another veteran charity and that one seems like more my style plus less drama than the one I was involved in but I am in such shell shock all the time that I cannot handle anymore conflict than I already have so I have been ignoring texts and phone calls from the original charity president. I dont know what to say. I just want to crawl into a hole with everything going on. I feel like I am one incident away from losing what left of my sanity I have left. 

Should I send the message i wrote to the  president upon immediately blocking him from cell and facebook and other social media and hope it goes away? I just cannot handle anymore confontation or conflict in my life right now

me