My trans-identified ex took a lot of selfies when he was all dolled up in women's lingerie and wanking and sent them to me.  I didn't share them with anyone else, but I have told some people about them.  I keep copies of them and sometimes when I am having a bad time or questioning myself about whether I did the right thing I look at them so I remember just what it was like and why I had to leave.

I think maybe you're doing what you are for somewhat the same reason.  I think you need to keep your strength up in a situation you must often feel is unbearable.  Cohabiting while getting your ducks in a row to leave is a daily assault.  Please be careful, however, and stay safe.  If you are showing these profiles pix and chats around to others, it may be only a  matter of time before it gets back to him.  It would be a good idea for you to pack an escape bag and leave it with a friend or family member, just in case.

 

Hurt, don't let yourself be shamed for snooping.  When it's time to move on, you'll know it.  You'll stop looking of your own accord.

I initially looked at my husband's texts, the first time, because I was trying to unravel the truth behind an incident that had occurred over a year earlier, before I knew anything about his secret.  My daughter had come home from college on winter break and when she went to get into bed, she discovered a condom wrapper in her bed.  I had changed the sheets myself, so I was the only person who knew how impossible it was for this thing to be in her bed ... it defied the laws of physics, and yet there it was.

So fast forward about 18 months, and I saw a text alert pop up on my husband's phone, that led me to realize he could have been having sex in that bedroom with a prostitute.  That's why I opened the phone and read the full conversation, and that's when I first understood that my husband spent hours on end every day setting up assignations with male prostitutes.  As I read the text thread, it was between my husband and two sex workers, and one of them asked the other how he and my husband had met.  The other sex worker responded "we met at a birthday party for a fifteen year old" and that absolutely made my blood run cold.  I shut off the phone, but was so tormented by this thought, that this could actually mean not a real "birthday party" but something else more likely to be frequented by a 62-year-old john and a sex worker.

I make no apologies for reading my husband's texts after that moment.  I tried, later, to use what limited chances I could get, to go back and figure out whether I could have made a mistake, or mis-read the texts or something, but at the time, it sounded like everybody in the conversation knew exactly how the phrase was being used.

I learned a lot about my husband.  In the beginning, I was just trying to understand whether I'd seen what i though I'd seen.  Over the next few months, I started snapping photos of texts that documented prostitution (for the divorce).  But after a while, it was just my trying to fully understand the man who had manipulated me for so much of my life, and for that I make no apologies whatsoever.  I have a lot to be ashamed of, and a lot to be humiliated over, but not that.

It didn't help, it backfired.  I don't know what kind of laws are in effect where you are, but California has "no fault".  So while the law does provide that I should be reimbursed for money he spent illegally, if a judge suspects you're just making the claim out of spite or vindictiveness, they'll really punish you.  We went to a negotiated settlement conference, and the judge was clearly THAT kind of judge.  If I'd known, I wouldn't have even brought it up.

My opinion - if you're suspicious about something, a certain amount of snooping is in order.  It's not like they're ever going to come out and tell us anything.  I think once you have confirmed what you thought, it's counter-productive to your well being and self-esteem to keep looking for more evidence, especially if you have already made a plan about what you are going to do. 

When I first became suspicious (cross-dressing husband), I started a diary about exactly what happened and how it made me feel.  Over the past two years, this has been invaluable to me.  When he says "that never happened", all I have to do is look back and see, yes, it did.  It also serves as a reminder of the destruction and havoc he caused to my life. 

My understanding of divorce courts is that most judges don't care what either party did.  Having evidence will probably get you nothing, not even sympathy.