No, it’s not a cultural difference. That’s an excuse for wanting this man to break himself on television.

Why do you need him to do that? Do you want him whipped and flogged in the street too?

Of course it’s ok to keep bringing it up! This is a straight spouse forum, it’s the entire topic of this forum.

Last edited by Duped (February 8, 2020 4:20 pm)

I read on a reddit thread that he was having a fairly blatant affair with some younger man at work and a Sunday paper was going to expose him.  And national treasure that he is, that would NOT play well.  Esp as there was a big song and dance article on his silver wedding anniversary last year.  

 Whether that is true or not, I do not know.  But as a straight spouse, I don't believe his teary confession emerged simply out of his desire for authenticity.  Sure Duped he doesn't have to do anything at all on TV, but for gods sake, he is a bloody actor!  And of course his tears are convincing, but don't we all know enough about these people to see it for what it is?!  Yea it's tough for him.  boo hoo.  

And yea about those tears, Stephanie Scofield has not been on TV shedding what we know must be rivers of tears, has she?  God the man is just another one who for some reason has tired of his charade and nukes his family after decades of deception.  Zero sympathy.  Zero. 

Last edited by Leah (February 8, 2020 6:18 pm)

lily wrote:

I dunno, Duped, I can appreciate you like the man, there are plenty of people who like my ex too, everyone, he's so appealing he seems so very kind, Mr Empathy himself.  I would just say to them would you like to be married to him?  it's not okay for me.  oh.

We all think we would see the fleece, we wouldn't be fooled but the whole point of the story of the wolf in sheep's clothing is that he does fool us.  I called my ex one when we were in the process of separating and he painted a Christmas card for me with a wolf in a dressing gown leaning up against the chimney piece.  It was so cute.  

doesn't change a thing about what he did to me, does it.  all those years of deliberately stringing me along.  Unkind, he was super unkind to me.  

I must admit my first thought was about the timing of this. Has he finally got a strong boyfriend he is in love with, is he under threat of disclosure, these are the ideas I have and I don't think oh has he got his wife's pain on his conscience.

I think that just makes me realistic.  well, maybe a bit cynical but not inhuman!

His wife has no choice in this situation but to be supportive of him, does she.

I understand Lily, and MJM I’m sorry if I was reactive. Maybe seeing him suffer brought back memories of my own hurt at seeing my ex so frail back when it happened. Also I’m clearly a sucker for thinking people are nice when they probably aren’t!

I still think he’s said enough publicly but agree that he’s no better than any of our exes.

And it turns out he came out because his lover was about to out him. I did say at the time he must have been caught. Then I saw him on telly and the old stupid naive me popped up again.

It’s weird because I was standing up for this man here and at the same time knowing I would never ever forgive or stand up for my ex. Duped, it’s my name after all!



 

Leah wrote:

My response to this...it is still a great betrayal.  Wonderful that he is so open and honest about it, but yes I would imagine he has had affairs no doubt.  How would he decide otherwise.... Anyway I've posted my two cents over on medium.  

https://medium.com/@plwsheffield/so-phillip-what-is-your-wifes-story-780e73c93796


 

Leah, your post is amazing as always. It is as though you give words to my feelings.  Thank you.

MJM do you have the link to that one too?  Thanks for posting the first link.  It is good the BBC is trying to be fair to the straight spouse, but it still feels like the gay side are really not able or willing to admit that there is a deception involved in this process and damage to someone besides the poor closeted spouse.  

Just when I think I'm getting over my anger....grrrr.  Every time I write one of these posts, I feel like it takes me back into that dark place of pain.  The lack of choice, the feeling that I can't speak to my family about it. I even feel a sense of shame at still feeling so crippled by this situation still.  All the dreams I had for my life and future just poofed away!  haha poof!  In the UK that is the derogatory name for a gay man.  Poofters. 

Trying to tease out what is mine and what is a part of the gaslighting and put downs that I've endured for so long is difficult.  Sometimes I just don't think I'm gaining ground, then I realize I have.  Slowly.  Much more slowly than I would have hoped.  

A friend sent me a photo from the breakfast show this man was host of and there is a funny shot of him ogling this bare butted chef in the kitchen.  He thought it was funny to send to me, but I actually felt disgusted and upset.  I just can't joke at all about it.  Even now it is too raw.  Such a devastating betrayal.  I still can't believe it at times.  That was the man I spent 27 years with and had three children with.  And now.....nothing.  Poof indeed!