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1 - StraightSpouse1979
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As the days go by
As the days go by you would think that things would become easier because of the fact that you have created a new normal but they do not get any easier.
As the days go by you create new things to keep you busy to mask the part of your life that you cannot change. But, it never manages to fill the void. There are not enough committees, charities, meetings, conference calls to change the fact that your husband has breasts, tight yoga pants, diamond earrings, and makeup
When someone who is an aquaintance, though you see here and there, stares at you intensely and asks if you are spreading yourself too thin and you find this odd connection or need to touch them because it has been THAT long that someone whose a man shows any attention to you
When you can attend the viewing of a 22 year old who was killed in a car crash by a drunk driver and you dont cry because you have become numb from everything else going on
You dont have a way to control when the inevitable happens and everyone who I am desperately trying to keep from knowing about my husband finds out so each day is like an is this the day today day because I dont wear my wedding rings any more so I am sure there is some thoughts surrounding that. Everything that I worked so hard for in my political life, be that as it may is minute in the large picture for me I feel like I have made strides. I took a step backward when My friend my best friend died in 2017 from a heroin overdose but now another thing that is nothing to do with me is going to ruin everything
I feel jaded, broken, damaged, I dont trust guys anymore. My best friend says i need a guy friend but i know guys want sex and I know this sounds ridiculous but I dont even know if i know what to do with that anymore. I second guess If i ever was in love with my husband to begin with. My entire life, the last 40 years anymore is a blur. I have guys who are willing to have FWB with me but I cant just do that right now. Maybe if i had an ounce of confidence about myself I could but I just do not have that.
- Rob
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Re: As the days go by
SS,
So sorry..as bad as you feel i dont think all guys want sex.
It sounds like you must be very attractive. I can assure you when I was dating or chatting online it was not for sex.
Dont feel broken..alone time is good..when your ready the perfect man may be worthy of your company.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- StraightSpouse1979
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Re: As the days go by
It is hard to answer the attractiveness notion because right now I do not feel attractive despite what others may say. The sex thing is just because the people who are in my life right now who are guys behave in a way that makes me feel that is what they want and or that is exactly what they ask for. Some of the opinion is based on just my history with guys and what they wanted and it wasnt a platonic relationship
- •
Thread Starter- lily
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Re: As the days go by
The thing I have done is take my courage in both hands and dress to look good. Getting a few admiring responses helps me recover the sense of being attractive even while I know it's not going to go any further.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: As the days go by
StraightSpouse1979 wrote:
You dont have a way to control when the inevitable happens and everyone who I am desperately trying to keep from knowing about my husband finds out so each day is like an is this the day today day because I dont wear my wedding rings any more so I am sure there is some thoughts surrounding that.
There's a switch in your mind that has to be turned...and when that happens you'll know you're going to welcome the inevitable, not dread it. The inevitable will become your strength, not a weakness
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Abby
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Re: As the days go by
Until you have gotten out of the woods with your current husband I suggest that you not go into the woods with another man, no matter how tempting. I totally get the desire but it just makes life too complicated.
Your husband is going to continue doing what he's doing and as it becomes obvious to others I'd think that your political friends would not hold a divorce against you under the circumstances. Hillary Clinton probably lost support by staying with Bill and she would have gained by leaving him over his behavior.
What could be more damaging for you personally and politically is if his new persona makes headlines via a date gone wrong. He may be flaunting his new body in very risky places. You can't control what he does but you can try to untangle yourself from the relationship so you don't see him as a reflection on you.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: As the days go by
...... You can't control what he does but you can try to untangle yourself from the relationship so you don't see him as a reflection on you.......
This
KIA KAHA
- Duped
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Re: As the days go by
S.S. Why are you staying? Let me tell you that a life without this is just a million miles better.
Stop tying your happiness up with your “husband” or “other guys”. You have to start to create your own life where YOU treat yourself well, where YOU are your best ally and gain a whole lot of strength within yourself before even considering guys.
Please please look at your options of getting away before this destroys you.
Life is truly wonderful once you’re out the other side.
- MJM017
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Re: As the days go by
...... You can't control what he does but you can try to untangle yourself from the relationship so you don't see him as a reflection on you.......
This
Agree. In addition, you have a child and the court will place their needs above all during the divorce. You have to look like super mom to gain the upper hand for custody. I know you don’t want your child having overnight visits with stbx if he is living a smarmy lifestyle. You sound like a very good mom!
I repeat the great advice above is not a great time to start dating or even hooking up due to stress and trauma. You need a clear mind to pick healthy men & be resilient to withstand the pain of bad dates/creepy straight men.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Davin
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Re: As the days go by
You have to decide for yourself what you need in life. Life is too short to waste your precious time on someone who can never fulfill your needs. I'm guessing you have never desired to be with a man who has breasts and wears yoga pants? You don't need to be a part of that in any way shape or form!
What is important to you? What do you need to fulfill your needs and desires?
For me, I'm taking this time to focus on myself for awhile. I'm setting out to be the best version of me I can be each and every day. I'm eating smart, exercising 6 days a week, working on home improvements, and spending a lot of time with my children. I'm trying to ratchet the bar up of my expectations for myself daily. This helps me keep a positive attitude and focusing on the present and future as opposed to looking in my past.
I'm not ready to date yet. I'm going to let that happen when it happens naturally. I do enjoy getting some attention from ladies that I've not had in a very long time. The other day a very attractive lady asked me for my phone number. I haven't heard from her yet, but I took it as a compliment and it brightened up my day for sure!
I was married for a long time, so now I am trying to re-establish my identity as an individual. For years I was either my kids' dad or identified as a couple with my wife. Now I'm having to figure out who I am as an individual again. Take some time to figure out who you are. Take up some new hobbies, expand your circle of friends and business networks, etc.