Rob wrote:

June,
.." ex called me a narcissistic sociopath .."

..and you believe him why?  I've learned in the last year and half if my exs lips are moving shes lying.
So many horrible things she said and combined with the cheating and betrayal..well she has no integrity or morality.  How here and her girlfriend can promise each other anything and be believed I do not know.
Just remember to act indifferent around him else you have to listen to the crap.

 

I don't know why I believe him. I don't know why I think of myself like that. I don't feel that I am. I don't know but it's been in my mind from the day he said it

Your so right Rob, the people that he has believing him makes me mad. Some of my so called friends have turned. He calls me crazy a liar. Now I know everyone tells a lie sometimes. However his lie or as he says no we weren't together. We were just friends wtf. I'm so scared that I won't find love, or that it's going to be 25 later and I'm still here hurting.

I've just joined this fascinating thread. Thank you to ByronM, Cameron and others for an engaging Q&A on the subject of 'outing' vs 'the truth.' I should disclose that I am a gay man, formerly married to the mother of my three children, and now living on my own. I came out four years ago when my wife asked me whether I was gay. It was a huge relief to finally say to another human being, "I'm gay."

​Some of you may be familiar with Dan Savage, the author, sex columnist, and gay rights champion. I tend to echo his thoughts on coming out. We live in an era of unparalleled acceptance of the LGBTQ community.  Anyone who is: employed; living in the North America; and not living under the threat of religious persecution has an obligation to come out. Since coming out myself, I now have a large group of gay friends and my boyfriend was unabashedly closeted. And I've found a common theme among my still closeted friends. They all live under the illusion that no one knows they are gay when, in fact, EVERYONE knows. They're all just hiding it, starting with the gay person in denial. I can only speak from my own personal experience. When I came out to my friends and family, I'd estimate that a strong majority of people already knew. In fact, most were relieved when I said it because they were suffocating because of a stupid secret.

The dynamic is almost exactly like alcoholism. Alcoholics are almost always surrounded by enablers (or co-dependents), starting with their spouses and (later) children. Mom hides dad's alcoholism, "Dad was just overserved," the children follow mom's example, and the family transmits this sort of 'don't discuss it' web that traps everyone. While I admit addiction and homosexuality aren't the same thing, secrets and denials apply to both situations. Let's be honest, in our day and age no adult is going to be killed because he/she is gay. I found the secret was much more a toxic burden than just telling the truth.

​So what's my point? Many of you have described your former gay spouses as narcissists. Narcissists almost always marry co-dependents who will do anything for them. And this means protecting them as well. So I say, tell the truth. "Bill is gay and that's why our marriage ended. Period." If anyone wants more information, just tell them to contact your former spouse directly. No one is going to die because they learn your spouse is gay. (I was often disappointed by the ho-hum way people took my news.) And your former husband isn't going to jump off a bridge because everyone knows he likes penis more than vagina. Most people suspected it already. Yes there may be some chirping and lots of denial from your closeted ex, but he/she is no longer your problem. I say free yourself from their closet.